One of the tricks to build trust with a lover and the other people in your life is to realize that we ALL live in separate realities.
In fact, the other people in your life see life, or love, or trust THEIR way and you see it another.
There’s your idea about what trust is…and there’s their idea about what trust is–all based on past experiences.
Same word–different meaning and different expectations.
To build trust in a relationship of any kind, get to know what your “rules” are and recognize that you’ve made up what trust means to you.
Find out what the other person’s “rules” are around trust and see where the overlap is.
If you open yourself to seeing these separate realities, then you get to see if you’re willing to play by both sets of rules for what trust is.
Sometimes both sets of “rules” are compatible enough and sometimes they aren’t.
If you’re willing to recognize that the other person has a different way of looking at life, it helps you to move into a more neutral place and listen so that you can make clearer decisions about your next step.
Take Kyle and Tracy…
Kyle’s way of looking at trust was that he came home every night and that should be “good enough.” Tracy wanted to connect with him every evening and he wanted to sit in his chair and catch the game on tv. She was lonely and jealousy started to take over as she began to wonder if there was someone else.
Her “rules” for relationship said that a couple interacts in the evenings to create some kind of connection and his “rules” said that he came home after work and that should be enough for their marriage to keep going.
If Tracy allows her fears to get the better of her and Kyle isn’t willing to open to interacting with his wife, their marriage is in trouble.
But it doesn’t have to be…
You can calmly and honestly talk about what you both want and see if there’s room for you both to be happy.
Separate realities does not have to break a couple apart. In fact, it’s normal.
It’s what you do after opening to this idea that determines how the two of you move forward in the relationship.