When we asked this question awhile ago in a survey…
“What’s the biggest question you have about how to create more love, passion and connection in your relationship and your life?”
Many wanted to know what to do about their relationship getting stale and growing apart over the years.
Here’s what one person asked and these questions are certainly ones that we hear frequently from couples in long lasting relationships…
“What do you do once you have already started to ‘grow apart’ after many years together and several kids? Can the closeness be restored and if so how?”
Here’s our answer when you’re growing apart…
First of all, most of us haven’t been taught how to keep a great relationship close, growing and alive over a number of years.
We have usually seen examples of two people living together for many years, possibly as friends (or not even as friends), but the passion and closeness has gone out of their relationship.
They may live very easily together—or they may not—but they don’t seem to have anything in common any more. The romance and passion that was once there seems to have evaporated over the years.
Yes, this is something that many people experience and yes, closeness can be restored.
We’re often asked, “Okay, if closeness can be restored, where do we start?”
You start by not dancing around or ignoring the issue of growing apart any longer.
Approach the subject with a strong desire and with the intention to begin learning how to connect again and not from a place of blame, lack or being a victim.
What do you want your relationship to look like? Is your partner happy with the way it is or does he or she want something different?
When you have this conversation, you need to not only be brave enough to say what you’d like your relationship to look and feel like but even more importantly…
You have to be able to listen and not get defensive about what your partner has to say.
You have to lay aside your resentments, your anger and your disappointments and just listen to each other.
When the two of us realize that we haven’t made time for intimacy in awhile, one of us will bring it up and not in an accusing way.
Neither one of us gets defensive. We just reconnect.
We actually set aside time in the bedroom for closeness and connection without blaming or judging each other.
We just focus on what’s most important–our connection.
In simple ways, you can begin to become closer and even more passionate if you are willing to talk and listen to each other—and be open to making some changes in your life.
You may need to schedule some time together every day and begin to look at your life and your priorities so that you have time to spend together.
We urge you to start now to discover new ways to be together and recapture what once may have been between you. In many cases, it’s not too late but you never know until you explore the possibilities together.