How Anger, Blame and Being Worried about a Fearful Future Keeps Love Away

Ever been so angry and worried about a fearful future that every time you thought about it…

It just made you more upset and created a worse situation?

This was happening to Patti and she knew it wasn’t healthy for her, her husband or their marriage.

Here’s her story (shared with her permission) and how she “caught herself” before her relationship suffered too much damage…

There’s a lot to be learned from how she made BIG shifts that are going to make a BIG difference in how she shows up in her marriage and in her life.

Just when Patti and Joe were just starting to get their life back together after his cancer scare…

He’d decided to have a partial knee replacement that she didn’t think he needed.

Not only was she angry about it, she was resentful because she didn’t want to be his caregiver 24/7 again like she was during his cancer ordeal–and she was worried about their future.

She really loved her husband and didn’t want to feel the way she did…

But those feelings kept coming up!

This is such a good example of how anger, blame, judgment and being worried about the future can really mess up an otherwise good relationship and Patti knew it.

She was pushing Joe away and causing a real divide between the two of them but she didn’t know what to do.

That’s when she contacted us for help because she couldn’t stop blaming herself and him as well as being worried about their future.

Here are a few powerful insights she had during our conversation with her that we offer to you if you can see some parallels in your life…

1. The past is the past

Patti realized that she had been living with a lot of “what ifs” and regret about how she could have persuaded him before the knee surgery not to have it.

As we talked, she saw that there wasn’t anything she could do to change the past.

All she had now was the present moment.

And constantly reliving regrets of what she “should” have done was creating misery in the present moment for both herself and for the husband she loved.

She saw the only place she could make a difference in their lives was in the present moment.

2. The story you make up and live from may not be true

Patti saw that she’d been living in the story that her husband’s knee replacement was a huge mistake and will be the downfall of his health.

When she realized this scenario she’d been playing in her mind wasn’t the only one that could happen, her thinking and worry settled down.

Her husband had started planning a vacation soon after the surgery and at the time, she thought he was crazy and was annoyed with him.

But looking back, she saw that he was simply hopeful of a future that both of them could enjoy.

She could now see the possibility that it could actually happen as he hoped.

3. Look at how you can love yourself

Patti also started to understand how she had worn the heavy cloak of “caretaker” with a lot dread, especially after Joe’s recent surgery.

As we talked, she saw the wisdom in taking time for herself.

She gave herself permission to meet friends and do something she enjoyed every once in awhile during her husband’s convalescence without the accompanying guilt.

She realized that she could be more loving with her husband if she allowed herself some self-care.

She saw that the lighter and more at ease she was, even during this time of recovery, the better their lives and relationship would be.

If you’re bound up in anger, blame and are worried about a fearful future over a loved one…

Know that you can’t change the past or someone else’s reactions but you can choose what you believe in your present moment.

Anger, blame and worry does not protect you from hurt and it only keeps your anxiety stirred up.

Love cannot shine through all of that.

Allow your thinking to calm down, look to possibilities and let your love shine.

Want help looking in a different direction from worry, fear and anger?

Contact us here…

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