Otto’s ex-wife was blindsided so hard she didn’t know what hit her the day he told her he was leaving.
Good, bad, right, wrong…
Otto made the decision to leave his first wife completely by himself.
Otto’s ex had no idea what was happening, what he was thinking and why he would do what he had just done that would alter the course of their family’s life forever.
It’s been 23 years now since Otto made that decision in total privacy and secrecy…
And while you could fault him for a lot of things about the way he chose to handle the final hours, days and years of his first marriage…
He did something almost all of us are doing every day that gets in the way of deeper, closer, more connected and more amazing love.
He kept a whole lot of thoughts private in his head.
Secrets he never shared with anyone.
He kept his secret thoughts, fears, doubts, concerns and pain he was feeling private for so long that it finally became too much.
While it’s absolutely true that had he not done this, the two of us wouldn’t be together and we wouldn’t be doing the work we’ve been doing since 1999 all over the world…
It’s also true that there’s a big lesson to be learned from what he did.
He, like a lot of us, kept a LOT of secrets in his head about what he was thinking, feeling and wanting until it was too late and there was no room for loving conversations.
Why do we keep our thoughts private?
–We’re afraid of how our thoughts are going to be met by the important people in our lives
–We’re embarrassed about what we’ve done and worry about how we’ll be viewed if others know
–We’re afraid of criticism we might face
–We’re afraid of losing something–physical or emotional support, security, love
The truth is when this happens, your conscious or unconscious thinking creates stories that are running the show of your life.
The bottom line is that you believe your stories and think that if you let someone find out the truth, you won’t be okay in some way.
But when you keep an important truth from those you love, you put up walls that are barriers to love and connection.
Even though the stories you make up are the reasons you hide…
There’s no reason to share all the stories the mind makes up.
Our advice to separate out what you need to share from what you don’t.
Separate out the truth inside you from the story you’re telling yourself that’s keeping you in a fearful place.
Becoming aware of that truth is the first step.
If you’re possibly in physical danger if you speak your thoughts, get support before you take that step.
When you allow your stories to loosen their hold on you, you’ll be able to see what is true.
In Otto’s previous marriage…
His discontent went on for years without him becoming aware and talking with his previous wife about it.
He kept his thoughts private because the story he was telling himself was that it wasn’t safe for him to talk with his wife about his desires and she wouldn’t listen or would criticize him.
Would he still be married to this person if he had?
We don’t know but what we do know is that perhaps a lot of bitterness could have been avoided if he hadn’t kept his private thoughts and fears from his ex for so long.
If you’re struggling with whether to reveal secrets to your loved ones or not and how to approach it…