One of the tricks to knowing whether you’re ready for a relationship reboot or not is to look at the connection between the reality of what’s going on in your relationship and what you really, really want.
Most people make the big mistake of trying to change their partner, trying to manipulate them or make them wrong, different or their personal “improvement” project.
The thought is, “If only they’d do _______, everything would be great.”
But a relationship reboot starts with you, knowing what you want, and your level of desire for the kind of relationship that your partner wants.
It’s going back and reconnecting to the feeling of love.
Going back and reconnecting to the feeling that made you want to be in this relationship in the first place is critical to healing whatever divide is going on in the relationship.
So, the important piece here is to look at what it was about the relationship that felt like it was totally right.
When you go back and reconnect with what felt right at one time and what might feel right again…
You might see an overlap between those two things.
Tom and Katy’s relationship had gone stale.
They’d been together for 8 years and it had been on again and off again throughout that time.
For whatever reason, they kept coming back to one another but Tom was ready for either a stronger commitment or to end the yo-yo relationship they’d had.
He came to us wanting help with figuring out whether a relationship reboot was possible or not.
As we talked, we explored with him the feeling he’d had when they were first together and also the feeling he had when things were good between them.
He realized that he really wanted the closeness that he felt with Katy when they were first together and during the “good” times.
He saw that when Katy pulled away, he got angry and pulled away himself.
As he stepped back from their “relationship dance,” he could see that he really wanted to be with Katy and wanted to explore with her the kind of relationship she wanted.
He realized that instead of trying to force the relationship to be a certain way, he would open to really hearing what she wanted–and see if there was enough of a match for what he wanted.
So how about you?
If you don’t have that feeling of love with a partner and being in the “right” place, but you have the desire…
Then you could be ready for a relationship reboot which simply means connecting to that feeling and finding out if your partner is willing to go with you on the journey of reconnection.
That’s where the magic will be is both of you pointed in the same direction, looking for the feeling of love.