When your partner doesn’t want to talk about IT…

One of the tricks to knowing what to do when your partner doesn’t want to talk about IT (whatever IT is) is figuring out who and what you’re dealing with–and seeing a new way of communicating.

Here are some questions to ask yourself first…

–Why do you want them to talk about it?

–What will it give you if they’re willing to talk about this subject?

–What are you hoping will happen?

(And the next is a big one…)

–Are you willing to listen to an opinion that’s not in alignment with what you want to happen?

When you answer those questions for yourself, you’ll know your true motivation for talking about this particular topic and your openness to possibly hearing something you don’t want to hear.

–>Need help saying what’s truly in your heart? Go here to find out how to stop talking on eggshells…

Then it’s important to ask yourself…

–Is your partner someone who’s quiet, introverted and normally doesn’t like to dig up the past or dive into the “why” behind things?

–Did they ever talk about “feelings” with you and are you asking them to do something that is out of their normal?

–Or is this someone who normally will talk with you but doesn’t seem to want to about this particular issue?

It really comes down to the question of are they just being who they are and you’re trying to change them into someone else so that you will be happy…

Or…Is this person someone you’re normally connected to, opens up to you, wants to share things with you…

And they’re just not willing to about this situation or not willing to talk about it in this moment?

There could be all sorts of reasons why someone holds back and never wants to talk about topics that could be emotional hot buttons–

–It might be the “normal” family dynamic they had growing up or how a role model was perceived.

–It might be that the person had a confidence betrayed in the past and they stay silent and aloof instead of “talking it out.”

If this person has shut down to you over this topic and was once connected to you, there could again be all sorts of reasons and maybe have nothing to do with you.

In either case, it’s most likely there is some kind of fear that is present.

It may be that they think you won’t like what they have to say or it might hurt your feelings so they say nothing.

It may be that they don’t want to “open that can of worms” because it always ends in a disagreement or fight.

It may be they think it will all blow over if it’s ignored.

It may be that they don’t want to be vulnerable, even with you.

It may be that they have some things to work out inside them before talking with you.

And again, it may have nothing to do with you.

So what do you do when your partner doesn’t want to talk about IT?

Go back to your answers to the first set of questions we gave you…

If your motivation is to get your way and get YOUR point across (be honest now because we all want to get our way)…

Take the focus off yourself and instead, look toward connecting with your partner.  Recognize you will have thoughts that come and go but just keep coming back to connection.

Show up and open yourself up to not just hearing what you want to hear but hearing what’s inside him or her.

When someone feels safe enough, understood enough and connected enough, there can be an opening toward an honest exchange.

Yes, it can really happen and it can simpler than it is right now.

Scroll to Top