In today’s world, a missing love ingredient from almost all intimate relationships is something that might surprise you.
It’s also something that most people don’t think about much these days.
It’s an ingredient that most couples who keep their relationships strong, growing and passionate over many years would say they have. They might not use the specific word we’re using to describe this “ingredient” but the meaning is the same.
What’s this missing ingredient in many intimate relationships that we’re talking about?
It’s doing what it takes to make the relationship sacred to both people.
The two of us learned the hard way that in order for a relationship, especially an intimate one, to thrive and grow throughout the years, you have to treat it as sacred and treat the other person as your best friend.
Neither one of us knew the meaning of “sacred relationship” and certainly didn’t do what it took to have one in our previous marriages–and both of those marriages ended in divorce.
When the two of us got together, creating a sacred relationship was very important to us and we have lived it ever since. It’s the juice that keeps our relationship passionate and alive for over 15 years (as of this writing).
Our definition of “sacred relationship” is that we hold our relationship above all others. We live from that place in our daily lives, looking for the good rather than tearing each other down.
By making our relationship sacred and living in this place, our relationship continues to be better and better, instead of dying a slow painful death as many relationships do.
We focus on how we can make our relationship even better and not just on how we can co-exist.
If you’re interested in putting the missing love ingredient into your relationship, here are 3 ways that we use every day in our relationship…
1. Consider every moment sacred.
We treat every moment together as if it were our last. The truth is that you’ll never get that moment back so use it lovingly and wisely.
We’ve done pretty good at making our love and each moment sacred and recently, we had a health scare and we’re treating each moment as if it were even more of a gift and focusing on the gift of each moment has become even more important.
2. Get curious instead of getting angry or upset
After many years, we’ve learned that just because our beloved does things a little differently than we do, he or she isn’t wrong!
When you get curious about what makes the other person tick, even though you may not agree, you are showing respect and that respect fosters openness where you can find a solution to any problem.
Otherwise, you both get defensive, you hold onto your way, and you close down to each other.
The trick for us has been to remember that we always have choice and we can listen to understand the other person’s ideas.
It’s also important to take responsibility for your part in the “relationship dance.” When you do and you learn from what you did to push your partner away, you’re treating your relationship in a sacred way.
3. Shift from negativity to gratitude
We’ve made it a practice to learn how to shift from negative thoughts about each other to what we’re grateful for.
Are we perfect at it?
Of course not–but what we’ve found is that looking for the positive and what we’re grateful for about each other gets easier and easier as we consciously look for the “bright spot.”
While we in no way encourage you to close your eyes to a situation that you need to address, we do suggest that you shift negative thoughts that you replay repeatedly in your mind that may or may not be true.
These 3 points are part of our definition of a “sacred relationship” and we invite you to create your own definition and live by it. If you do, you’ll find that your happiness will increase more than you ever dreamed possible.