In today’s world, a missing love ingredient from almost all intimate relationships is something that might surprise you.
It’s also something that most people don’t think about much these days.
It’s an ingredient that most couples who keep their relationships strong, growing and passionate over many years would say they have. They might not use the specific word we’re using to describe this “ingredient” but the meaning is the same.
What’s this missing ingredient in many intimate relationships that we’re talking about?
It’s doing what it takes to make the relationship sacred to both people.
Since our 23rd wedding anniversary is this month, we thought it was a good topic to talk about.
The two of us learned the hard way that in order for a relationship, especially an intimate one, to thrive and grow throughout the years, you have to treat it as sacred and treat the other person as your best friend.
Neither one of us knew the meaning of “sacred relationship” and certainly didn’t do what it took to have one in our previous marriages–and both of those marriages ended in divorce.
When the two of us got together, creating a sacred relationship was very important to us and we have lived it ever since. It’s the juice that keeps our relationship passionate and alive for over 24 years (as of this writing).
Our definition of “sacred relationship” is that we hold our relationship above all others. We live from that place in our daily lives, looking for the good rather than tearing each other down.
By making our relationship sacred and living in this place, our relationship continues to be better and better, instead of dying a slow painful death as many relationships do.
We focus on how we can make our relationship even better and not just on how we can co-exist.
If you’re interested in putting the missing love ingredient into your relationship, here are 3 ways that can help…
1. Consider every moment sacred.
We treat every moment together as if it were our last. The truth is that you’ll never get that moment back so use it lovingly and wisely.
We’ve done pretty good at making our love and each moment sacred and recently, we had a health scare and we’re treating each moment as if it were even more of a gift and focusing on the gift of each moment has become even more important.
2. Get curious instead of getting angry or upset
After many years, we’ve learned that just because our beloved does things a little differently than we do, he or she isn’t wrong!
When you get curious about what makes the other person tick, even though you may not agree, you are showing respect and that respect fosters openness where you can find a solution to any problem.
Otherwise, you both get defensive, you hold onto your way, and you close down to each other.
The trick for us has been to remember that we always have choice and we can listen to understand the other person’s ideas.
It’s also important to take responsibility for your part in the “relationship dance.” When you do and you learn from what you did to push your partner away, you’re treating your relationship in a sacred way.
3. Focus on gratitude
When negativity comes up, it’s easy to focus on that.
But what we’ve seen is that focusing on what we’re grateful for makes for an easier, more loving relationship.
Are we perfect at it?
Of course not–but looking for the positive, especially about each other, gets easier and easier as we consciously look for the “bright spot.”
While we in no way encourage you to close your eyes to a situation that you need to address, we do suggest that you see negative thoughts that you might be repeating in your mind for what they are…
Passing thoughts that may or may not be true and you have a choice whether to dwell on them or not.
These 3 points are part of our definition of a “sacred relationship” and we invite you to create your own definition and live by it. If you do, you’ll find that your happiness will increase more than you ever dreamed possible.