The painful part of lasting love (and why it doesn’t have to be your reality)

turn on your imagesA long relationship that’s filled with lasting love sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Everybody wants it.


(Especially when you’re talking about the kind of lasting love portrayed in romantic comedy movies and beach novels 😉 )

But when you actually try to live it, there can be quite a lot of disillusionment and pain that comes with a long-term relationship.

It’s inevitable that you’ll butt heads and wonder where the excitement and romance went after awhile.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Because the truth is that love (even long-lasting love) doesn’t always run smoothly.

We know, we know…

We shouldn’t say something like this but we’re big fans of truth-telling and the question is…

Why doesn’t lasting love happen without any glitches or hiccups and more importantly…

Why does LOVE sometimes seem to be SO painful?

After all, you love and care about each other, right?

One of the biggest reasons love doesn’t always run smoothly or go the way you want is because of THIS…

It’s because we make up stories about what love “should” be and how our partner SHOULD act according to “rules” (often unspoken and even unconscious) that we’ve made up.

We do this even though sometimes we know better!

We also do this because most of the time we forget that we’re doing it.

An example of one of Susie’s “rules” is that there’s a place for everything in the house and when you’re finished using whatever it is, you put it away.

Logical, right? For Susie it is but not always for Otto, especially when he’s really busy.

The two of us have discovered that that’s the beauty of lasting love…

You get the opportunity to bump up against another person close to you (and sometimes create friction between the two of you) so that you can start to question some of your preconceived ideas that can keep you from experiencing love in its fullest form and true joy.

That’s a mouthful but we’ve found it to be so true–even though at times, it’s uncomfortable!

The two of us have been together 26 years now and married for 25 years in June…

And it never ceases to amaze us that we still get irritated with one another from time to time because of what we call “should” thinking…

It happens…

But it is possible to quickly get back to your loving feeling (for yourself and your partner).

When it comes to lasting love, here are 3 ways to get back to the loving when things aren’t going so smoothly…

1. When you’re triggered, don’t pull your verbal trigger.

Take a breath instead and remember that you don’t always have to express your thoughts that come and go. That doesn’t mean that you stuff down what you need to say but calm down first–then speak if you still need to.

2. Ask yourself what “rule” of yours has been violated and is it really that important. (A lot of times it isn’t!)

We all make up “rules” for all sorts of reasons but mainly to feel comfortable and safe but this is an illusion because those rules don’t keep us safe or comfortable!

When we clash with a partner, it’s a “rules” clash and taking a step back away from those rules can put it all into perspective where you can see something new.

You can ask yourself these questions:

–Do I really believe that or is it something I learned about someone else’s view of the world?

–Do I want to keep that belief or can I look beyond it to understand and love the other person?

This doesn’t mean you give yourself away or violate your values.

It means that you make conscious choices of what “rules” you want to follow and those you can let go of and see other options.

3. Be open to a solution.

This new thought or solution maybe not exactly what you thought you wanted but could work for both of you–and this involves really listening–to yourself and to the other person.

Lasting love can mean that every day can be a new adventure and full of discovery as you navigate through your lives together!

Be easy about all of it and look for ways to lighten up.

Life and love will certainly be a whole lot more fun if you do!

Contact us here if you’d like to have a conversation about how lasting love might be possible in your life…

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