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The painful part of lasting love (and why it doesn’t have to be your reality)

turn on your imagesA long, lasting relationship that’s filled with only love sounds like a great idea, doesn’t it?

Everybody wants it.

Right?

(Especially when you’re talking about the kind of lasting love portrayed in romantic comedy movies and beach novels 😉 )

But when you actually try to live it, there can be quite a lot of disillusionment and pain that comes with a long-term relationship.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Because the truth is that love (even long-lasting love) doesn’t always run smoothly.

We know, we know…

We shouldn’t say something like this that’s going to be posted online and possibly be read by tens of thousands of people.

But we’re big fans of truth-telling and the question is…

Why doesn’t lasting love happen without any glitches or hiccups and more importantly…

Why does LOVE sometimes seem to be SO painful?

After all, you love and care about each other, right?

One of the biggest reasons love doesn’t always run smoothly or go the way you want is because of THIS…

It’s because we make up stories about what love “should” be and how our partner SHOULD act according to “rules” (often unspoken and even unconscious) that we’ve made up.

We do this even though sometimes we know better!

We also do this because most of the time we forget that we’re doing it.

But to the two of us–that’s the beauty of lasting love…

You get the opportunity to bump up against another person close to you (and sometimes create friction between the two of you) so that you can start to question some of your preconceived
ideas that can keep you from experiencing love in its fullest form and true joy.

That’s a mouthful but we’ve found it to be so true.

We’ve been together 19 years now and married for 17 years this month…

And it never ceases to amaze us that we still cause each other pain from time to time because of what we call “should” thinking…

It happens…

But like us, what you can learn is how to quickly get back to your loving feeling (for yourself and your partner).

When it comes to lasting love, here are a few ways to get back to the loving when things aren’t going so smoothly that we’ve found helpful…

1. When you’re triggered, don’t pull your verbal trigger.

Take a breath instead. That doesn’t mean that you stuff down what you need to say but calm down first–then speak if you still need to.

2. Ask yourself what rule of yours has been violated and is it really that important. (A lot of times it isn’t)

3. Be open to a solution that’s maybe not exactly what you wanted but could work for both of you–and this involves really listening–to yourself and to your beloved.

Lasting love can mean that every day can be a new adventure and full of discovery as you navigate through your lives together!

Be easy about all of it and looks for ways to lighten up.

Life and love will certainly be a whole lot more fun if you do!

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