Sometimes people do HORRIBLE things to other people…
Sometimes people do awful things to the people they love and care about…
Sometimes the things we think our spouses, partners and lovers are “doing to us” aren’t happening at all…
We’ve found that we all just plain make %*#@ up about our spouse, partners, lovers and (and everyone else in our lives) and think it’s REAL but it’s just our thinking.
THIS is what we saw played out right before our eyes and of all places …a city park.
Here’s what happened…
A few evenings ago, we, along with Susie’s daughter, husband and son, settled in our fold-up chairs to watch a local production of Shakespeare’s play “Othello” at a metro park in our town. None of us remembered the story except for Susie’s grandson who had read it in high school last year.
The story of jealousy and domestic violence was as old as it was current and we were mesmerized by the idea that the entire plot centered around one thought that was completely fabricated by another character.
We got to see how this “thought” that Othello’s wife was unfaithful started off as a mere suggestion but grew until his jealousy completely consumed him and he murdered her.
This web of thinking prompted him to kill his beloved but in real life the plain fact is… when our minds make up stories about what our partner is or isn’t doing (and why) then problems happen and love gets destroyed.
What does all this have to do with you and your relationship?
A lot and here’s why…
Each of us can probably think of a time when we allowed one thought to grow as we mulled it over and finally overtake reason as we blindly acted from that faulty thinking.
Hopefully no murder was involved but what probably was involved was hurt and misunderstanding.
When you finally came out of the “thought trance,” you probably realized how it was blown out of proportion and often there is no recovery when that kind of damage has been done.
So how do you avoid getting caught up in a “thought trance” (whether it’s jealousy or not) that can lead you down a dead end road?
1. Recognize that your feeling is caused by your thinking.
All types of thoughts run through your mind all the time (most of them you’re not even aware of).
If you’re jealous or angry with your partner, your thinking is usually telling you that it shouldn’t be this way, that you’ll be hurt or left.
This isn’t to say that what you fear isn’t really happening but it is to say that you don’t have to create suffering by focusing all your thinking on the worst scenario.
Going back to the play, Othello’s anger and agitation was completely created from the thought that his wife was sleeping with another officer which had no substance of truth.
2. When you notice that you’re weaving a damaging web of thought around your story, go back to what you know for sure.
You may have to gather some facts but do so without making up what you really don’t know.
Othello thought he had proof of her infidelity but he didn’t ask enough questions about it but allowed his emotions to blind him to the truth.
3. Speak or act when you have clearer thinking.
If you allow yourself to settle down, you’ll have a clearer mind and will know when to act and when not to act.
You’ll know the next right step to take.
The trick in all this is to notice when you’re caught up in a “thought trance” and emotional storm that can take you away from what you want.
Get clarity, look toward what you do want and see what happens.
For more tips about stopping jealousy, get our free e-book “7 Jealousy-Stopping Secrets.”