4 Ways You May Sabotage Love…

sabotage loveHaving a great relationship isn’t rocket science but it does take finding out how you sabotage love when you’re in one–and discovering new ways to help you get closer instead of pushing the two of you further apart.

Here’s are 4 ways you may sabotage love and how you can create exactly what you want…

1. Thinking That Love and Relationships are HARD

While it’s true that having a great relationship does require effort and attention…

What we’ve discovered about people who think relationships are hard is that they are spending most (if not all) of their time and energy focused on the difficulty of relationships instead of focusing on the benefits of being in a relationship and having the love you want.

They are also focused on any pain that their relationships in their past have given them instead of the joy that may be possible.

A simple mind shift about the idea that relationships are hard is…

Compared to what?

The plain truth of it is that most people spend the same amount of time, effort and energy on creating “bad” relationships as they would have to spend on creating a wonderful love that lasts.

We value exercise but think that running a 26.2 mile marathon would be really hard (and not something we want to spend time doing) so we don’t do it.

Other people run marathons all the time and think they’re fun (or a challenge or some other reason that serves them) so they continue doing them over and over again.

Whatever you make up in your mind that is “hard” or too much trouble… that’s what you live out.

We suggest that you consider a mind shift that relationships can be enjoyable, fun, filled with love (even if challenging at times) would help you attract more love.

2. Holding Back

Many people don’t have the kind of love and relationship they want because they “hold back” in a variety of ways that keeps love at a distance.

This can play out in many ways–but what seems to be true is that people who “hold back,” don’t allow themselves to truly be seen in all their glory.

They aren’t honest with each other.

They don’t follow their inner urges to say “yes” to something new that might feel good or be enjoyable.

They “talk on eggshells” and hold back in saying what they think or how they feel or hold back from saying what’s important to them.

And there are other ways you might hold back as well…

You might say “no” to lovemaking when it might feel actually good to connect in that way.

You might say “no” to a date that might turn out to be the love of your life.

If you want BIG love in your life, you have to learn to say “yes” to more things. We’re not saying to say “yes” to things you don’t want to do and we’re certainly not suggesting that you say “yes” if it doesn’t feel right or it’s something you don’t want but…

People who find love and stay in love tend to be much better at saying “YES” to things that will help them find, attract and keep love in their life.

3. Not Making Room In Your Life For Love

Whether they’re with a partner or not–people who want love and don’t have it very often may not make room in their lives for it.

People in committed relationships very often let their relationships die a slow death because they fill their lives up with so many activities that there’s no room for their beloved. If you have too many activities to be able to fit another thing in, it will be difficult to have the space for a new love or reinvigorate an old love.

If you are in a relationship and you find that you don’t spend much time with your partner, we recommend that you find a way to include him or her in some activity that the two of you can enjoy and connect at a higher and deeper level.

If you want a loving partner and are so busy that you don’t have time for “one other thing in your life,” take an inventory of how you’re spending your time and see if there’s any activity you’d like to let go of so that something new might come into your life.

4. Not Healing From The Pain of Past Relationships

Most people think one of two ways around this idea of healing from the pain of their past relationships…

They either think they need to “wait” to be in a new relationship until they have done all their inner work and are totally healed from their previous relationships or…

Very often what happens is people who’ve been in previous relationships march into a new relationship without looking at the “why” things worked out the way they did in past relationships–or deal with the pain that’s still there.

We think the goal should be to do both.

We think the amount of time to “wait” before getting into a new relationship is different for everyone and…

We also believe that in addition to bringing you happiness, fun and joy–we’re also in relationships to heal, learn and grow as individuals.

So, definitely commit to doing your inner healing work AND to staying open to love at the same time.

That’s what we did before getting together and we’ve enjoyed an incredible love that just keeps getting better and better because that’s where we put our focus and intentions in our life.

You can do this too and you can do things on a daily basis that can make finding, attracting and keeping love happen automatically.

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