Maybe you’ve never once doubted whether or not your spouse or partner was the one for you…
Maybe you’ve been in a long-term marriage or committed relationship (or even a short term relationship) and had fleeting or not-so-fleeting thoughts about ending it.
What we can tell you is…
Most people (maybe even you if you’re honest with yourself) have at one time or another wondered in the privacy of your own mind and thoughts about the questions–
“Is my partner STILL the one for me?”
These are such important questions that most of us don’t ever take a look at until it’s too late and that’s why we’re exploring them in today’s article.
Hi, it’s Otto, I’m flying solo in the writing of today’s article and I’ll start with an honest confession about the topic…
Not only have we helped thousands of men and women navigate through the question of whether to stay in or leave their relationship or marriage–but…
As close and as connected as we both feel like we are, and as much as we both totally like, love and appreciate each other–there have STILL been moments when we have each wondered “Is he or she STILL the one for me?”
Fortunately, the answer to that question for each of us during those moments of internal doubt has always come back as a “full bodied YES!”
What this means is that anytime either of us has been in a fearful or dark place and even had a hint of a thought that he or she may not STILL be the one–we always come to the answer quickly that yes, we still are “right” for each other.
For that we are grateful and continue to find ourselves and our love and passion for each other growing deeper, stronger and more alive than ever with each passing day.
Unfortunately, for many people this isn’t the case.
For many men, women and couples there’s a thought of a relationship breakup and an inner longing for more than what they’re getting from their spouse or partner.
If you’re one of those people who’s ever had the thought or question of whether to stay or go…
I have a recommendation for you and some thoughts that should be helpful.
For many people, the question of “Is he or she still the right one for me?” is just a passing or fleeting thought.
A random moment and a random thought that just happened to capture your attention and then it’s gone.
For other people and other situations, this random thought and question of whether he or she’s still the right one for you can be a wake up call or an inner alarm to be paid attention to.
That’s what happened to me in my previous marriage after I made the decision to leave…
I had the same thoughts myself that other people did about my decision.
People told me…
“There’s nothing wrong with your marriage…”
“God will hate you forever if you leave…”
“It will destroy your son if you leave…”
And on and on…
But for me, when this thought that maybe my first wife was no longer the one for me continued to persist, I took it as a wake up call as something to be looked at, investigated and explored.
Not something to be dismissed or discounted.
I’m certainly not going to suggest that this is the best path or decision for anyone or everyone but although making this decision to leave her was incredibly difficult and painful for many reasons.
Without leaving my first marriage, I would never have been able to enjoy these incredible last 23 years that Susie and I have spent together and I would never have begun studying to do the work helping people with their relationships that Susie and I do now had I not made this decision.
So what about you?
One of the most important questions for anyone living with the question of whether your spouse or partner is still the one for you is–
“If you could shift your relationship or marriage to be exactly what you want with your current spouse or partner–would you want to?”
In other words…
Have you quit?
Already determined that this relationship is…
“Not worth it any more.”
In my opinion, here are about the only times when you should just automatically know that it’s time to move on from a relationship or marriage…
~There’s physical or emotional abuse in the relationship that doesn’t appear to be stopping unless you put some separation between you and the abuser.
~If you’ve ALREADY decided that he or she is not worth the effort to try to create what you want…
~You’ve realized that one or both of you have shifted or changed to the point that now the two of you have such different values and desires for your lives that there’s no “overlap” between your core values, interests and desires and you’re just not a match anymore.
No one can ever know what’s right for you (only you can know this) and no matter what’s going on in your relationship, marriage and life, always remember to love you.
Love “you” by not giving up on a good relationship too soon, allowing simmering doubts to kill it or staying in a bad one way too long.
If you want further help with the question of–
“Is she STILL the one for me?”