Why is it that some people go through life and really struggle with “endings” and others seem to go through those times with less stress and more ease?
What if you could have gracious endings instead of ugly, messy and painful ones?
What if intimate relationships, friendships, jobs or anything else could end as normal, natural and smooth as the sun coming up in the morning and the sun going down in the evening?
The truth is that endings come in all shapes and sizes and in different times in our lives…
And they are just a part of life.
How we go through them and our acceptance of the reality of them makes all the difference in our ability for happiness and love in the present moment and in our future.
This past week, we witnessed a beautiful gracious ending in the celebration of life on the beach for our friend Ron who passed at the end of 2020 at the age of 66.
There was uplifting music, funny stories and friends and family who spoke of what Ron had meant to them.
It might seem crazy to say but Ruth, Ron’s wife of 45 years, was truly enjoying it all and was a shining light of love for all of us.
That is a gracious ending.
Gracious endings can happen as a result of an intersection between what is wanted and what is no longer wanted.
They can happen because you see this is highest order of the Universe.
They can happen when you see it’s time and accept what is.
When you’re faced with an ending that you might not have wanted and you’re holding onto regret and being right…
You’re creating suffering that you don’t have to keep alive.
You might be still fighting for what you wanted but didn’t get.
You might be arguing that it shouldn’t have been that way but it was.
And all of that thinking that you’re keeping alive is only hurting you.
We’ve had many gracious endings in our lives and Susie’s divorce from her first husband was one of them…
Where both of them had a knowing that their 30 year marriage was at an end because they wanted different things in their lives.
They each looked back on their years together with appreciation while also looking toward the future and what they wanted.
Maybe one of the best examples of a gracious ending from our lives happened a year after we got together.
The two of us were attending what might be called a new age expo in another city and we ran into a woman who Otto had dated after he left his first wife.
The two of them took a few moments to talk where she told him that it was clear what her role was in his life–to show him what was possible in a relationship and to be a bridge to the relationship he truly wanted.
They parted with appreciation for each other and their time together.
That was a gracious ending and a completion.
But what if there’s no completion and the ending is abrupt, you were blindsided and didn’t want it?
Sure–there can be grief and allowing yourself to grieve a loss is healthy and…
You can make the decision to look toward the possibilities of your future and not carry regret or hanging onto what was or what could have been.
You can allow yourself to come to a completion and peace inside you.
Early in our relationship, we took a trip together and felt the need to create some form of ritual of completion of our first marriages so we could consciously move on with ours.
Standing on a cliff in Maine, we blessed and appreciated our previous relationships and tossed our rings from those marriages into the rolling sea underneath us.
We felt that was a gracious ending and a powerful beginning.
If you have a question about how you can find peace in an ending in your life, contact us here.