When you want more from your relationship and your partner, it can be very frustrating to say the least.
When your partner isn’t giving you what you want or isn’t acting the way you think he or she should act…
There is irritation, anxiety and anger which usually comes out in stonewalling or controlling behavior.
But it doesn’t have to be that way and you don’t have to stay stuck.
Here’s what one woman told us she discovered when she saw something new in the way she had been relating to her husband in trying to make things “better”…(we use this with her permission)
“I am in my 70’s, and only recently became aware that I have control issues; it was a real blind spot. I often felt the need to correct my husband’s behavior and insist that my preference for him—and for us—was the correct choice. Fortunately, for us, my husband is assertive and independent. He effectively kept this part of me in check, and managed to do his own thing and stay pretty happy.
“A few years ago, he was diagnosed with an aggressive and rare leukemia. It was a rough time for both of us, and I became his caregiver. This role exacerbated my control tendencies, since I felt responsible for helping him survive and regain his health. I ‘knew’ what foods he needed to avoid and when he should go to sleep, etc. I felt completely justified in my controlling behavior, and when he complained, I told him it was ‘his problem.’ I felt I was doing my job.
“However, when he was getting better and made some decisions (not related to health) I disagreed with, I became quite angry and stayed upset for several months. After several discussions with a counselor and my sister a light went on. It was an epiphany. My sister said, ‘. . .look the other way, don’t tell him anything. I hate being told what to do. . .’ I realized that I, too, hate being told what to do, and realized that my husband probably does as well.
“Since that moment, our relationship has become more loving, and I am less irritable than I have ever been. Letting go of the need to control my husband has been liberating for me as well.”
Now there’s certainly nothing wrong in trying to improve your relationship…
When you want more from your relationship and your partner, it’s just a sign for you to look inside to see if you can see something new about your situation.
Are you trying to make someone into who he or she doesn’t want to be?
Are you trying to control situations to have it your way and it’s paying a toll on you and your relationship?
Are you ignoring what’s trying to get your attention that you’ve needed to act on but have been afraid to?
Just remember, being happy starts and ends with you.
Don’t look outside you for it–look inside for clearer direction to more love and connection.