Cary felt trapped, stuck, fed up and didn’t know what to do.
Her husband Denny had lost his job last year and couldn’t seem to find another one.
She was tired of carrying the financial weight in their relationship because they had been living on her salary alone.
Cary had made the mistake of allowing her husband early on to handle all their finances and bills and she had nothing in her name alone.
While all of this was bad enough, Denny didn’t seem to do anything to help around the house while she was at work.
She was always met with a kitchen full of dirty dishes and a house that was filled with clutter when she got home.
She’d asked him in many different ways to clean the kitchen and straighten up the house before she got home…
But Denny always seemed to find something more entertaining on the computer to do with his time and never got around to it.
Cary felt trapped, stuck and didn’t know which way to turn so she contacted us for a conversation.
She didn’t want to leave the marriage but was tired of feeling so resentful all of the time.
Here are a few things she learned during our discussion about feeling trapped, stuck not knowing which direction to go that may help you as well…
1. You have more choices than you think you have
As we talked, Cary saw that she’d been the one to think her choices were so narrow…
Either to suck it up and do what she’d always done–go to work every day and then come home and resentfully do all the cooking, cleaning up and other housework while Denny sat around…
Or leave and get divorced.
Cary realized that she’d given up so much of herself many years ago and that she was ready to reclaim and take responsibility for her life.
She knew she could start by setting up a checking account in her name only and having her payroll checks sent to that account.
She could then control where her income was going and often in the past, she had no clue.
Even though this meant more work for her, she also recognized that gaining control of the way her income was spent represented a freedom she hadn’t felt in a long while.
2. Get the help you need
Cary also saw that she and Denny needed help navigating to a better relationship, whether together or apart.
In the past, Cary had suggested coaching but Denny had always sidestepped her suggestion and never agreed to follow through.
With a calm she’d never felt before, she was ready to tell him that coaching was a condition of their staying together.
Cary knew that she didn’t want to fight with Denny any longer and as she gained more clarity about what she did want…
And as she stopped believing in all the fearful stories that she’d made up in her mind that may or may not come true…
She could clearly and calmly tell him the choices he could make, as she explained the choices she was making.
If you’re feeling trapped, stuck and don’t know which way to turn…
Moving out of that trap means recognizing your stories you’re believing to be true that are holding you hostage.
“If I do this, this horrible thing will happen.”
The truth is that it might happen the way you’re fearing…
And it might not.
Even if it does happen, it may turn out to be the best thing for both of you.