When people say they’re in a stormy relationship, there’s usually a lot of finger-pointing and the blame game is alive and well.
They look at each other as the problem, pulling back and keeping their hearts closed.
It’s like they go through life putting up shields to protect themselves from hurt.
This just seems to be what we humans do but it doesn’t have to be that way.
One of the tricks to dealing with a stormy relationship–one that’s filled with a lot of disagreements and arguments…
Is to understand that all moments and relationships are like the weather.
You have some days, some situations and many, many moments where storm clouds will come in and highlight the problems or challenges that each person is carrying around with them.
People often get themselves into trouble in their love relationships when they believe their thinking that some terrible or unwanted situation is permanent or forever.
The truth is that nothing in this life is forever, including what’s going on in your relationship right now.
When we think something is fixed and never-changing, we get stuck.
When we see that life and people change from moment to moment, there’s an opening to experience more peace.
There is a big difference between looking at situations, what other people are doing that you don’t like and your moment-by-moment upsets about what’s going on…
As a “stormy moment” as opposed to a “stormy relationship.”
If you see a certain situation as a stormy moment, you know it’s going to pass…
But if you see what’s going on as you having a stormy relationship, you probably don’t think it’s going to pass.
You probably think this is what you’ve got forever or at least for the long-term or until a miracle happens to shift or change things.
So what will shift or change things?
Most people think the cause of a stormy relationship is what’s going on in each moment to cause their upset.
What really creates a stormy relationship is repeated, ongoing beliefs about thoughts you have about the other person and your relationship.
If you have a thought that you believe about someone else, you are going to act based on that belief and the way you perceive they are.
But, what if it didn’t have to be that way?
What if you could start to see that there are only two possibilities when a stormy relationship is going on…
1. You’ve chosen the wrong person to be with. Maybe that person was perfect for you at one time but you’ve both changed or maybe you’ve changed.
2. You’ve chosen to believe thoughts that create problems and challenges for you and your relationship.
You want this person to be different from who they are and want to be.
You think he or she should be or act a certain way in order for you to be happy.
If there is truly love between you and that other person and you truly want to be together…
The trick to weathering any storm is to know that all that is ever going on is a thought that you are caught up in and believing in the moment.
Once you understand that this is all that is ever going on, everything changes.
Now this doesn’t mean that you choose to stay with this person if you discover that he or she wants something very different from what you want in a relationship.
But it does mean coming to peace inside you first and opening to seeing your relationship in a new light.
*Maybe what you’ve been arguing about isn’t as important as you thought…
*Maybe what’s underneath the arguments is a basic difference that can’t be ignored but needs to be addressed in a loving way…
*Maybe there is sunny weather between the storms and you haven’t seen it.
Start looking in a new direction and see what you can see.