When most people are faced with serious trust issues in a relationship of any kind, they feel like their best response is to protect themselves.
They lash out, fight back and want to make that other person pay for what they’ve done…
They shrink, pull away and put up walls around themselves…
Or do all of the above.
While that may make you feel somewhat better in the moment, it always goes back to what is it that you really want?
*Do you want retribution, an apology?
*More peace, more love?
*A meeting of the minds or an understanding of a new agreement that might be possible between the two of you?
Or something else?
The most important thing to look at is what your commitment is to in this situation.
Is your commitment to healing the relationship, staying present and open and willing to open yourself to seeing something new?
Is your commitment to seeing the truth of your situation, knowing that you’ll be led to your next right action?
Your first step to healing serious trust issues or anything else in your life is to decide from a place of possibilities with an open loving, heart and mind that you really want to heal whatever is going on–within yourself and with this other person.
We know what you must be thinking about now…
“What do you mean come at this situation from an open, loving place of possibilities? After all, I’m the one who’s been hurt. What do I do in this case? After all, I don’t trust this person anymore. I’m not even sure anymore that I love them, they love me or it’s even worth it anymore. What do I do?”
You commit to seeing the truth of what’s there without a lot of thinking around the story of what’s been created.
(An actual breech of trust really may have happened but a story is always woven around the event that keeps you stuck in the pain of that betrayal.)
Committing to seeing the truth of what is there is really a question of beginning to wonder first within yourself…
*Is there still love there?
*Is there still hope for a loving relationship?
*Is there still a desire on my part to be with this person, stay in the relationship and to heal this situation, no matter how serious the trust issues seem in the moment?
*Is there a willingness to listen with an open heart to understand (which doesn’t mean condoning the action)?
Once you start the search within yourself of what’s there or what it is that you really want…
Once you’ve been able to look past the pain of the moment and allow the grief to flow through you…
Then it’s important to open to what might be possible and if there could be some healing.
It’s not what’s possible based on what you’re feeling in this moment …but what might be possible if you could have a true, genuine healing between the two of you–which may mean staying in the relationship or not.
A true healing when there are serious trust issues can only come when you or the other person see something new–a new possibility or find hope where there wasn’t hope before…
When there’s even the slightest movement toward love inside you and the other person.
This something new, this possibility or this hope is there waiting to be found after you give up the struggle of holding onto all of your thinking that says you have to hold onto the pain.
This thinking tells you to hold onto the pain for protection because the other person deserves to feel what you feel or any of the other million things that the pain of the moment will cause you to fixate on.
But the truth is that this pain doesn’t protect you and isn’t healthy for you to hold onto.
The thoughts you’re having that seem so intense, so believable, so trustable and so right that you’re finding it difficult to see anything else in this moment will always pass if you allow them to.
They always do.
The intense thoughts, feelings and pain always passes.
That is something you can always count on, even when serious trust issues are present.
When you allow your mind to settle down and let go of how you think the other person should be punished or how it should all work out…
Your thinking will clear, you’ll see the truth of your situation and you’ll see your next step.
Look in the direction of something new and it will all appear.