When you feel like your partner doesn’t see you as an equal, especially when it comes to money, it can be a huge wedge that separates the two of you.
Here’s a question from a reader and our response…
“My husband doesn’t see me as an equal. I’m constantly being judged and criticized for things I want although he has no problem spending money on things he wants. I was a stay-at-home mom for 18 years and now have a part-time job outside the home. It seems he’s never valued my contribution to the family and it’s hard to discuss this with him. He wants me to go along with things he wants and I have done that for years. It’s when I want something, he doesn’t go along with me. I am frustrated and disheartened. Can you help?”
No wonder you’re frustrated and disheartened when you feel like your husband doesn’t see you as an equal or value your contribution to the family in years past as well as now.
So here’s the thing…
Equality starts in you and the thoughts you choose to attach to and relive over and over.
If you don’t get caught in the judgments and criticisms and believe them (unless there’s some validity to them)…
If you can invite him to a discussion and make a request from a neutral place inside you with nothing on it…
You will avoid a lot of stress, heartache and frustration.
Your husband will either open to having a conversation about it–or he won’t.
What we know for sure is that when your mindset is in an open, loving space for him and for yourself…
You will connect with him in a new and different way.
You will invite a conversation instead of continuing the superior/inferior dynamic that’s been set up.
Right now, you’ve bought into his criticisms and we’re certainly not blaming you at all in saying this.
We’re saying that an adversarial relationship has been created and you can influence that.
Is there any time when you feel like your partner does see you as an equal and you feel any kind of connection with him?
If there is, what are you both doing?
Do more of that.
Play this in your mind more than the times you feel he’s critical of you.
Also, ask yourself if you’re buying into and believing the criticisms you hear from him.
What’s one step you can take to fell better about yourself, independent of the judgments you think you hear from your partner?
And just see what happens.
We’re not saying that he will instantly become open to you and give you money to spend on whatever you want.
But we are saying that when you allow yourself to enhance the love that’s there and know that your happiness is inside you and not dependent on another person…
You’ll probably see some softening, more connection and a willingness on his part to have a discussion.
It sounds like this superior/inferior dynamic has been going on for years.
The truth is that you can choose whether to keep participating in it or not.