When Your Needs Aren’t Being Met in a Relationship

Today Susie’s writing and it’s true confession time…

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Someone very close to me is going through one of life’s big transitions and she doesn’t seem to want my help!

I’ve offered many times and in many ways…

But she says, “Thanks I’ll tell you if I need help.”

Now on the surface, this doesn’t look like it has anything to do with MY needs…

Except when I really stop regurgitating my thinking that she “should” appreciate me and take me up on my offers…

And look more deeply into where these offers are coming from…

I can see how hungry I am to help her and to show her my love in the way I that I want.

Did you get that?

“In the way that I want” and not what’s best for her going through this transition.

And I’m certainly not alone in this because most of us from time to time look outside ourselves to get our needs met without even realizing that we’re doing it!

We tell ourselves something like this…

“If this person would just say this or act in this way, I’d be happy, feel loved and life would be so much better.”

Or…

“If these circumstances would change, I’d have what I want and need.”

Even if, like me, you’ve spent many years “working on yourself” and KNOW that your happiness is an inside job and not someone else’s job…

What do you do with those nagging needs that pop up and seem to dominate your thinking?

Here’s some of what I’ve realized in looking at my recent “needy” situation that may help you as well…

–Taking a step back out of the story helps you see more clearly

When I stop focusing on the reasons I’ve made up about why she doesn’t want my help…

I can see that I don’t really know.

There can be all sorts of reasons and I don’t have to know them to be okay.

When I stop with the “shoulds”…

That she should accept my help…

And also that love between us “should” look a certain way…

I can see how I’ve made it all up and that I don’t have to stay stuck in lack or feeling bad.

–When you stop trying to ignore or push down the fear that’s underneath what you think you need and the thought that it’s not happening, it changes by itself

When I actually allow the emotion to be seen by me without pushing it down or denying it, it always passes through me.

It’s not something I have to hang onto or have to keep reliving the thoughts that create the emotion.

I just feel a sense of relief and it’s possible for you as well.

–The neediness seems to dissolve when you see that love is always there

When I remember that I am love and I am loved and truly know that deep inside…

There is no lack.

People don’t have to change to make me happy.

They are free to do what calls them to do.

And I can still have clear boundaries but these come from love and not fear.

I can live with more ease and peace instead of anxiety that I create for myself.

If you’d like to find some ease in a relationship where your needs aren’t being met, contact me here.

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