I enjoy riding a bicycle. Even though I’ve been riding casually for 70 years, I’ve never been fearful until a couple of weeks ago. It had been 2 years since I’d been on my bike and I thought it was time!
I usually feel free and adventurous when I ride but on that day, it was anything but that!
My plan was that my ride would be a modest 20 minutes on familiar streets in my neighborhood. Instead, I found myself weaving around unfamiliar streets, finally recognizing that I’d been going around in circles and becoming fearful I’d never get home. I realized I was hopelessly lost and that I’d left my sense of direction, that’s usually pretty good, at home.
For whatever reason, my phone’s GPS didn’t clear up my path back either so I was really turned around! I felt stupid, angry at myself and momentarily afraid.
We all get turned around in life and fearful every now and then, especially in our relationships– losing our bearings, maybe even following what could be considered the wrong direction because of outward circumstances or internal dialogue that says we’re not enough, we’ll never get it right or this shouldn’t be happening.
I remember feeling lost and afraid the summer after my first husband left our home of 30 years while all those thoughts of lack and “not-enoughness” were my constant companions. It was like my internal GPS wasn’t working and I couldn’t see a clear path forward.
You may have had times in your life where this has happened to you!
Here are some lessons I learned from that event and also came back around again that day on my bike about getting on the path I wanted to be on instead of allowing fear to aimlessly move me in any direction or get stuck and not move at all…
1. I had to be willing to look at the facts of what scared me instead of the “stories” I’d made up
When my first husband left our home, I was mostly frightened and stuck in swirling thoughts about how I was going to keep up the maintenance that he had taken care of on our 150 year old house. Growing up, my father had taken care of all of those jobs and then my first husband took over so I had no experience and only fear that the house would fall into such disrepair that it would fall off our hill.
When I realized that I was making up a lot of scary stories, I began to look honestly at the facts. I realized that no, the house wasn’t going to fall of the hill and at that time, there were no maintenance issues to be tackled.
I came to the same realization during my bike ride that day as I looked at the facts instead of the stories that were flitting in and out of my mind.
One story was that it wasn’t safe to ride on the bike lane so out of fear, I walked my bike instead. The facts were that I didn’t know my way home, I had no one to call and pick me up, and unless I got back on the bike, I was going to be very late for my next appointment. I had to keep going.
2. When I’m stressed, answers don’t come. I have to slow down and calm myself first.
I’ve found that when I’m stressed and overwhelmed, I can’t think with any clarity. I have to find a way to feel what I’m feeling and calm myself even in the middle of my turmoil.
When I was so focused on my fear of not being enough to handle house maintenance or even my life alone after my then husband left, I found myself clinging to the past and what had been.
I even blamed my husband for leaving me alone even though our divorce was a mutual choice.
It wasn’t until I realized that I was overwhelmed with fear and spent time in my hammock breathing and calming myself that I was able to ask myself the most important question of my life at the time-“What do I want?” And what I wanted was to look toward my future and open to possibilities instead of focusing on it with dread and fear.
On my bike ride that day, I had to take a few minutes, even in the middle of chaotic, busy traffic, to calm my scary thoughts, asking myself what I wanted most. My answer was to get home safely in time for my appointment.
Just as I did when my then husband left me, in order to move forward, I had to clear the cobwebs in my mind and be open to answers coming to me.
3. I’m always more resourceful than I think I am and all I need to do is to trust my inner GPS that will lead me to the help I need.
While looking forward to my future instead of living in the past after my soon-to-be ex-husband left, I began talking with a friend who had been in a similar situation as me, alone and taking care of an old house. She gave me potholders that she’d made as a house-warming gift and advice that seems obvious now but at the time allowed my fears to evaporate.
She told me that she hired people to make the repairs and that she was always led to the right person for the job. That’s exactly what I did even after my now husband entered my life 3 months later. As fate would have it, he isn’t any better at maintenance and fix-it projects than I am so we continue to hire people!
The same could be said about my bike ride that day.
My path home became clear and I did make it home in time for my next appointment. I was grateful for the beautiful reminders I received from this experience that I’m continuing to carry forward.
So how about you?
When you’re afraid and overwhelmed, are you finding a calm place inside and trusting your inner wisdom or even recognizing it’s there or are you allowing fear to waylay you in a particular sticky situation or with certain people?
You’ve heard the phrase, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” I would rephrase that slightly by suggesting that you not push the fear away but feel it. Find a neutral place inside you where you recognize the scary stories you’re telling yourself and then take action toward what you want, trusting in your inner guidance system.
The truth is that if you bury your fear, it just comes back up again, usually in another situation until you face whatever it is that the fear is trying to protect you from but never does.
That’s what I saw when I looked at what I experienced during my bike adventure. I’d once again allowed fear to sabotage me and hopefully the next time, I see it more quickly!
Here’s the truth–we are so much more than we think and so much more is possible for us if we allow it.
If you’ve been experiencing fear that won’t go away, contact us here and we’ll listen…