Whether you’ve been a habitual people-pleaser or not…
Setting healthy boundaries in a way the other person can hear you and will actually accept them can be tricky.
But here’s what’s even trickier…
You second-guess yourself about the line you’re attempting to draw.
All kinds of questions in your mind can come up about whether you’re being unreasonable, too emotional or any other self-judgment that occurs to you.
You don’t really know where to draw that line or what will happen if the other person doesn’t honor it and crosses it.
Maybe you’ve tried to set a boundary in the past that’s been ignored and you feel pretty discouraged.
We get it…
We know that self-doubt can come screaming in when you’re faced with a situation that doesn’t feel healthy to you in some way.
You want it to change but you don’t know where that “line” should be or how to make it stick.
Here are some ways to approach setting healthy boundaries that can help…
1. Learn what voice you’re listening to
We all have lots of inner voices that chatter away and it’s the ones we pay attention to that create our feelings.
These voices can create a fearful future or regurgitate painful events of the past.
But there is a voice deep inside that is full of wisdom and guides us if we truly listen.
To set a healthy boundary, you have to first know deep inside you that this is right for you at this time.
You have to recognize the nagging, self-doubting voice that says you don’t deserve to have what you want.
You have to recognize the “shoulds” that may come up that create fear and resentment.
When you take a few quiet moments to listen, you’ll begin to be able to tell the difference.
You’ll be able to know what’s true for you and what’s not true.
You’ll be able to discern what’s a “yes” for you and what’s a true “no.”
You’ll be able to feel more solid in your next best course of action.
2. Invite the other person to a loving discussion
When you speak from your “knowing” about your boundary, you don’t have to brace and harden yourself.
When you approach setting a boundary with someone in a stiff, defensive manner…
That’s what you get in return…
When you have tuned into the truth of you, there is only love…
For yourself and for the other person.
When you’re able to listen, that doesn’t mean you have to agree with them.
But it may mean that there’s an opportunity for a resolution to the issue to emerge.
Sometimes your boundary is a deal breaker for you and you need to know that for yourself.
And again, this will come from a deep knowing inside you.
From that knowing, you’ll know where or if to draw a line.
A boundary can certainly be healthy for you and for the other person if it comes from truth and honesty.