As human beings, we all are different and have different wants, needs and desires and when we get together as a couple, somehow we forget that.
Most of us think that there shouldn’t be disagreements or “bumps in the road” and if there are, we’re really not suited for one another.
We’re here to say that it’s perfectly normal to not agree on everything and there are easier ways to reach a solution and agreement.
Here’s an example of what we mean…
Josh was tired of traveling from Ohio to Florida and back–and the upkeep of two residences.
He and his wife Sally had a condo near Sarasota and a house in Michigan where they’d raised their kids.
Sally loved their time in Florida but had family and friends in Michigan that she wasn’t ready to leave, as well as a part-time acupuncture practice in the town where they lived.
They had agreed to spend a couple of months in Florida this winter but couldn’t agree about moving there full time.
Josh wanted to sell the condo in Florida and buy a house nearer the water and Sally didn’t want to let go of her life in Michigan.
They were at a stalemate that was becoming increasingly nasty because they kept coming back to the same arguments over and over…
Until they had a breakthrough when they had a conversation with us.
They realized that what was really important was their love for each other and when they settled into a calmer place, they could both see something new.
Here are 3 ways they learned to get on the same page with a partner…
1. Allow your thinking to settle and open to softening your attachment to your position so you can see something new
When we get into locked positions against another person, we can’t see anything new.
But when you stop trying to figure it out, you can allow your thinking and attachment to being right to calm down and fade.
As we talked with Josh and Sally about their years together, as well as their love and connection with each other, they relaxed into just being in this moment.
As they relaxed, they realized how tight and wound up in the stress of “trying” to make a decision these last few weeks they both had been.
It was a relief to just sit and hold hands and remember how they loved one another.
2. Allow what’s really important to surface.
Often when we get into locked positions with someone, we don’t really look beneath the surface of what we each truly desire.
That can happen when you allow your thinking and attachment to being right to relax.
When Josh and Sally did this, Sally discovered that she wasn’t ready to leave Michigan, especially because she was often times the care-taker of her mother who lived with Sally’s sister near their home.
It wasn’t an obligation that held Sally but rather love for her family and a desire to contribute in whatever way she could.
Since her mother was in her 90’s, this could change at any time.
When Josh looked at his deeper desires, he realized that although he really liked Florida and would like to think about moving there full-time, he was upset by the red tide that had descended on the area this year.
When he really looked at his desires, he saw that there was no rush to make the move.
3. Listen with an open heart without defense.
As they listened to each other talk about what they truly desired, they each felt compassion for the other.
Josh saw how Sally really wanted to be there for her mother in her last years.
Sally saw the disappointment Josh felt with the red tide that had vastly disrupted his ocean experiences that he loved.
Neither one of them felt the old reactions and defense come up as they talked about various ways they could move forward.
In the end, they decided that they both were ready to sell their large home in Michigan but would be open to buying a small condo near Sally’s sister’s home.
Their next step would be to keep the condo in Florida as well and spend time there during this coming year’s winter months.
They would re-evaluate next year and this choice satisfied both of them.
How about you?
Is there a situation you are having trouble getting on the same page with your partner or someone else in your life?
If there is, know that it is possible to see something new and resolve your differences with love in new and marvelous ways.