One of the biggest disagreements Otto had with a previous partner is when he used the words, “I don’t care” in response to her question.
She’d get furious, accusing him of not caring enough to answer her with an opinion.
He’d get frustrated because he really didn’t have any thinking one way or another about the topic…
And didn’t know why she’d get so upset.
Isn’t this the way it is with a lot of disagreements between you and someone close to you?
We’ve said it many times…
All of us live in separate realities, created from the thinking believed to be true in the moment.
And we react from that thinking that may or may not be actually what the other person is thinking and believing.
Now we don’t know what thinking this woman in Otto’s past was believing about Otto but…
After working with many people, we can take a wild guess that it might have been something like this…
“He doesn’t care enough about me to give me an answer, he doesn’t love me and isn’t committed to our relationship!”
This is a great example of what we all can fall into…
Assigning meaning to what other people do and say by making assumptions like this…
“They’re doing this and it means _______.”
The way you see the world and how commitment and love should look like may not be the way the other person sees it or their idea of how it should look.
Of course this doesn’t excuse what you think is “bad” behavior from the other person but it does gives you the opportunity to pause from a habitual response to find out more.
Here are a few questions to ask yourself if you’re feeling a lack of commitment from someone else, to a project or even to ask yourself to help you get clarity about your commitment…
1. What is my habitual response around this issue/person?
2. What am I thinking and assuming about it/them?
3. Am I willing to look beyond my assumption and not react in the same old way?
4. Am I willing to open to understanding?
5. What is the most loving thing to myself and the other person that I can say or do right now?
When you take a step out of your habitual thinking and open to understanding the other person, more love is available.
You still have a choice about whether you want to continue in this relationship or not but…
You will open yourself to more possibilities if you look deeper, beyond your assumptions.