Chuck and Janice argued all the time and often over small things like turning off the lights or when to run the dishwasher.
They were both miserable but they didn’t know how to stop fighting and start loving again.
The truth is that it didn’t have to be that way.
Their disagreements were a result of fixed mindsets that clashed and wouldn’t budge an inch.
A fixed mindset is one that is closed to anyone else’s ideas or ways of being.
A person with a fixed mindset only believes his or her thoughts to be the truth and discounts others thoughts and beliefs.
A flexible mindset is understanding that you are free in this moment to choose to see things differently.
When you choose to see things differently, you get freedom from pain, restriction, and thinking “this is as good as it gets.”
Suffering falls away.
When you choose to see things differently, it opens up hope when you may have thought it was lost.
It’s a doorway into possibilities that you thought was previously shut.
Here’s a perfect example of making the choice of a fixed mindset or freedom…
Otto’s father passed away on Otto’s 51st birthday.
While many people think this is a tragedy and very sad, Otto chooses something different.
Every year when his birthday rolls around, Otto chooses to see his father dying on that particular day as a gift instead of something to be dreaded.
Although he misses his father in physical form, he’s not choosing to suffer over the fact that his father’s death coincided with his birthday.
Suffering is optional, after all.
So what about Chuck and Janice?
The only “magic bullet” we know of is to ask yourself this question–
“Is this what I wish to continue?”
One or both of them can make the choice to set aside their fixed mindsets and open to seeing something different.
One or both of them can stop defending their positions and listen to why something is important to the other.
When one or both stop defending, there is space for understanding to emerge…
Understanding the other person but also understanding what your next step is in the relationship and life.
You can make the choice whether to have a fixed mindset or freedom.
We’ve seen it in our relationship and it is possible for you as well.
What if your partner won’t budge in his or her beliefs and ways of being?
If you’ve loosened your rigid, fixed beliefs, you can find freedom and this freedom allows you to make choices that you never saw before.