Why are difficult conversations so “difficult” to have and how can they be easier?
They’re difficult because we all make up stories that they are more important or have more riding on them than other conversations.
We’re afraid our “truth” won’t land well with the other person or we won’t say what we want to say in a way that can be heard and understood.
We make up a lot of “what if” fearful, future scenarios of what could happen and of course, focus on possible horrible outcomes that could come as a result of the conversation.
In other words, the focus is on “you” and not on connecting.
One of the tricks to mastering the art of lasting love is learning how to have difficult conversations and continuing to stay connected–while you’re having those conversations and beyond.
The truth is that difficult conversations are normal and a natural part of being in a relationship with someone.
No matter what kind of relationship it is, there are going to be differences.
One of the biggest reasons there are differences is because we all have different thoughts, beliefs and different ways of seeing each moment, each situation and the world.
The most important thing you need to know about having a difficult conversation is to continue to keep your heart open and a focus on connection instead of fear.
Continue to look for what you love, like or appreciate about that other person and what they’re bringing to this situation that is difficult for you in this moment.
Listen to where there might be some common ground.
One of the things to understand about making difficult conversations easier is to know that even if you don’t get your way–if things don’t work out the way you imagined they would or turn out differently…
It doesn’t necessarily mean something is bad, wrong or the other person doesn’t care about you, doesn’t value you or think you’re important.
What’s usually going on is that the other person is doing the same exact thing you are and just believing certain thoughts about these situations that they believe are the “right” way to see something…
And it just happens to be different than you see it or maybe not.
You may be worrying about nothing other than what you imagine they might say or do about the way you see something and the conversation you want to have about it.
We’ve found that when you “know” your truth, you can listen with love and maybe you can agree with that person or not.
But you can listen with love with getting defensive.
Difficult conversations tend to be way less difficult when you approach these and every conversation from a place of love, an open heart and wanting to create something even better in every moment.