Most people see compromise as a good thing but what if the act of compromising kills love and passion instead?
While compromising may be what happens naturally when there’s conflict, it’s how you both see the compromise that decides whether you get closer or pull further away from each other.
The problem comes when one or both of you get stuck in “compromising” instead of expanding in love and possibilities.
Here are 5 reasons compromising kills love…
1. More often than not, compromising creates resentment instead of connection
When two people see compromising as the only way to resolve a disagreement, it’s win/lose or even a lose/lose situation.
When you have a “loser,” resentment builds and can smolder and grow for years.
Resentment can interfere with how kind you are to each other, your communication and of course, intimacy.
You can hold onto grudges and not even realize it until it shows up in ugly ways.
When you focus on connecting with each other instead of compromising, there’s a totally different agenda that can lead to beautiful possibilities.
2. Compromising furthers harmful habits like being a “pleaser” or one who likes to control.
The very act of compromising brings out your natural inclination of how you try to get your needs met.
When faced with a conflict, if you’ve been a “pleaser,” you will agree without regard to how you really feel about the situation and you can silently seethe with resentment in the process.
If you’ve been “controlling” in relationships, in the act of compromising, you will push your agenda to the point where you bulldoze the other person and alienate him or her.
When you see that your strategies haven’t made you happy and that there’s another way to resolve conflict, you don’t have to fall into old patterns that can certainly harm your relationship.
3. Compromising keeps you stuck in a problem
Compromising forces you to focus on the problem and keep it foremost in your mind.
Unfortunately, focusing on the problem never leads to a solution.
When you both connect and open to other possibilities, there is an opportunity for new thoughts and ideas to arise.
When you’re not stuck going around and around an issue, a new way becomes clear that’s more loving to each of you.
4. Compromising promotes one-upmanship
The very nature of a compromise makes one person and his or her ideas more important than another person’s ideas.
When you have a one-upmanship dynamic going on, connection isn’t possible and love suffers.
If you perceive your partner to be more important than you, you will not open to communicating honestly from your heart.
Again, you will allow resentment to build inside and either hold it in, keeping a tight lid on it, or let it out in angry bursts.
When you are trying to be better than the other person and get your way, you aren’t connecting and there’s no chance for love.
One-upmanship is a relationship killer and recognizing it is the first step to changing the dynamic toward a healthier one.
5. Compromising closes you off to opportunities and possibilities
No possibilities or opportunities can emerge if you see compromising as the only way to make your way through conflict.
When you focus on opening to something different instead of what one or both of you need to “give up” for a resolution of the problem…
You both can get excited about where possibilities might go and can see the situation as an opportunity instead of one filled with dread.
Conflict from differences is “normal” in relationships and it is possible to move gracefully through them without the drama of compromising.
Stop compromising and invite more love and connection into your life.