Have you ever gotten so caught up in your thinking, imagining the worst about your partner or a situation, that you spin off in all sorts of directions that pull you away from solving relationship problems?
If so, guess what?
You see, it’s what you believe about your thinking that pops into your head about the other people in your life, about yourself, love, possibilities, abundance that determines the way you communicate and if you see the situation as a problem or not.
We all do it and we’ve discovered that when we can recognize that we’re caught up in our thinking and am not seeing the other person or the situation clearly…
There’s a window of calm that can happen even though the situation or other person hasn’t changed one bit.
And in that calm, we can either have a new thought that will resolve the relationship problem or we see it another way.
Here’s an example of what we mean about solving relationship problems that busy thinking is making worse…
Peggy was extremely upset with her husband Jay because he seemed to immerse himself more and more in his work and less and less in her.
He left early for work and got home late and they had very little time together to even talk, let alone be intimate.
When she wasn’t occupied with something else, her mind spun out of control with thoughts ranging from “he’s cheating” to “he doesn’t love me anymore and will leave me.”
When she’d try to talk with him while she was upset, he would tell her nothing’s wrong and to not worry about it.
But she did worry…
Until she realized that her worry wasn’t helping her situation and was in fact, making her physically sick.
Making up worst-case scenarios and believing her spinning thoughts wasn’t helping her resolve the situation.
What did help her was as her mind started taking her into a downward, fearful spiral, she reminded herself herself that she really didn’t know what was going on and to not jump to conclusions.
She didn’t have to believe all the fearful stories that were swirling around in her head.
As her thinking calmed down, she realized that she didn’t feel so miserable and she was less tense, especially with Jay.
One day, as the two of them were traveling in the car, Jay opened up and apologized for not being there for her. He told her that he didn’t know what was going on but that he loved her and wanted to see how they could make their marriage and life together better.
Although Peggy’s outward situation hadn’t changed, it really had changed.
As she had allowed her thinking to calm, the pressure that she and Jay felt lightened up. There was space for something different to happen between them and in this case, it meant Jay opened up to her.
If you’re struggling with a relationship or a situation and you find yourself, like Peggy, in a state of “busymindedness”–
Where your mind and thoughts are swirling with all kinds of negativity.
If you allow your mind and thoughts to settle and clear, you’ll feel better.
If you “step back” from the drama so you can see clearly, you’ll see your stories and thoughts for what they are–illusion.
What we’ve come to know is this…
Things always change and it’s your thinking about your thoughts in the moment about whatever is going on in your world is what makes the change good or bad.
When you have calmed down, you can actually know what the wisdom inside you is saying to you and you can communicate from that loving space.