This is written by Susie…
One weekend a couple of years ago, Otto and I were irritated and snippy with each other which is pretty unusual for us.
We certainly weren’t at our best!
We can blame it on all sorts of outward circumstances but when I really look closely, here’s what I see…
Both of us allowed “baggage” we’d been unknowingly carrying around in the form of old beliefs and perceptions to get in the way of love.
Looking back at some of our weekend interactions, here’s what I see now in myself…
–I can see the belief I had that Otto SHOULD have done something different from what he did was underneath comments I made that sparked his defensiveness.
The thing is that I wasn’t even aware of the “shoulds” that lurked behind my comments.
They just leaped out of my mouth.
The baggage of old “shoulds” sure sneak up on you, don’t they?
They did me!
–Later, as the two of us talked about one of these interactions and really listened to one another…
I could see that I had completely assigned my own meaning to the reason Otto acted in the way he did…
And it wasn’t what was driving his action at all!
I’d made up quite a story to explain his actions which seemed very strange to me at the time…
And my story wasn’t true for him.
What a revelation for me to (again) see that!
Are we back to the closeness and connection we usually experience?
Yes, because it’s only one thought away…
And there’s a road back.
Here’s what Otto says about that road back for him…
“When I’m at my best, I’m willing to face it (my baggage) and see that it doesn’t serve me.
“When I’m not at my best, I usually find something else to put in the bag to make it heavier and bigger.”
How do you let go of the heavy baggage you’re carrying around that gets in the way of love?
1. Be willing to step back and see the beliefs and perceptions underneath your words and actions that contribute to the conflict in your life
As Otto says, be willing to face what you’re carrying around that doesn’t serve you.
When I do this, I see a lot of “shoulds” that I didn’t know were continued to be buried there that drive me in not-so-healthy ways.
2. Become aware when you unconsciously add to your baggage
This happens when you form an opinion about someone or something and it becomes solid in your mind.
We think this keeps us safe and avoids pain but all it really does is weigh us down and keep us in a state of anxiety and fear.
It doesn’t protect us from anything but rather keeps us from enjoying the present moment and loving the best we can.
When I think I know what’s best for Otto, it’s always a sign for me to look within and discover what I’m carrying around.
But it’s your choice…
Do you want to carry around and add to a heavy load of beliefs and perceptions that keep others away?
3. When you see your baggage is made up of thought, you can let it go
Of course there are very real actions that people can take that can hurt you…
And you need to act in your best interests with love toward yourself.
I’ve discovered that much of what I’ve carried around, sometimes for years, has no substance.
A good example of this is thinking my father thought I was stupid at times and carrying this thought with me for many years that I was stupid.
It colored my actions and kept me small.
A few years ago, I realized that I could allow this thought when it came up to float on by and not attach meaning or energy to it.
When I do that, it has no power over me and I don’t carry it around.
It’s all in what we decide to do moment by moment.