When Veronica first found out about her husband John and the “other woman,” she spent almost three days on the bathroon floor alternating between throwing up, crying hysterically, and going so deep with her anger that she found herself plotting a payback the likes of which the county she was living in had never seen.
Getting cheated on hurts.
And whether it’s been 6 days, 6 months or 6 years…
The hurt from this knowledge is enough to rock anyone to their core.
The fear that it will happen again and how you move forward in spite of this is one of the most crucial aspects that determine whether you (and your spouse or partner) have any hope to rebuild the trust(and the love) between you–or not.
What happens in so many relationships when there’s been cheating is that the couple falls into a holding pattern that’s filled with mistrust and pain.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
If you’re feeling stuck and would like to start trusting again but don’t know where to start…
Here are 4 questions to ask yourself as you begin to navigate through trusting again after cheating…
1. What’s your level of desire for trusting again after cheating and starting over with your partner?
It’s wise to start with your level of desire to rebuild trust because it will take a willingness on your part to open to something new between the two of you.
If you’re not ready, you’re not ready.
But just know that even though it was your partner who broke the trust, it’s you who has to decide if you truly want to be with this person in the future.
2. Though you can’t know for sure–what do you think your partner’s level of desire is for being in the kind of relationship you want?
You can somewhat gauge your partner’s desire to be with you by what’s actually happening.
Is he or she showing up in loving ways toward you?
Is your partner acting in trustable ways?
Is there a willingness to look to the future with you?
3. Are you discerning your fearful “stories” from what’s actually happening?
It’s so easy to spin into imagining the two of “them” together and focusing on a fearful future for you.
But that focus muddies your ability to make clear-headed decisions right now and see things as they really are.
It is possible to do this and it’s one moment at a time.
4. Are you willing to create a plan to build your new relationship?
After cheating has been discovered, the person who cheated often wants to apologize and move on but the partner who has been crushed with this information isn’t ready.
When this happens, there’s added stress in an already stressful situation.
Creating a plan for moving toward the relationship you both want will help you move in that direction and not stay stagnant.
We created a program to help guide you toward the love and relationship you truly want after there’s been cheating.
Know that you don’t have to stay stuck in overwhelming fear and mistrust.
You can move forward toward a better future with less stress and more love.