Do you want a deeper relationship connection with a partner or spouse but are finding that it’s difficult or maybe even impossible right now?
Or maybe you’ve struggled in past relationships to keep your connection and love alive and haven’t known what to do…
If so, we’ve got 3 practical suggestions for you today and a quick example from our coaching files (used with permission) of how connection can get lost and what you can do about it when it happens to you…
Pete worked long hours in a new job and when he came home, he just wanted to relax and numb out.
Jo, his partner of many years, was aware of his needs and understood but she still missed connecting with him in ways they did earlier in their relationship.
Jo knew the dangers of trying to control Pete (you can’t “control” another person and she knew it)…
But she missed him and secretly feared their relationship was going down a dark road that they’d never get out of–and she didn’t know what to do.
She’d tried ignoring her feelings and was “understanding” but deep inside she was afraid that he didn’t care anymore.
She’d also tried telling him how she felt but even though he seemed to understand and said he still loved her, nothing changed.
When they came to us for help, it was clear that the two of them cared for one another but had totally different ideas of what “connection” meant.
Jo felt connected to Pete when he slowed down, looked at her, listened to her and shared with her something that was emotionally true for him.
Pete felt connected to Jo when they were on the same “wave length” while they were doing projects together.
It was easy to see why they were struggling but…
Why is feeling connected so important in a love relationship?
When you feel connected to another person, you relax and open to being who you truly are.
And when you do that, you can freely feel love as well as give love in ways that you can’t when you’re holding back because you don’t feel a connection with someone.
This doesn’t mean that love isn’t there when there’s no connection.
Love can always be there but if and when connection happens, life and relationships are so much more fun and rewarding.
So what did we tell Jo and Pete to help them connect?
If you can relate, here are 3 ways to create a relationship connection when it hasn’t been easy…
1. Know that your partner may have a different definition of connection than you do
Just like Jo and Pete, you and your partner may have different ideas of what connecting as a couple means. Get curious and find out both your definitions–and don’t make your partner’s way wrong.
If you’re finding that you don’t have the “right” words to say to spark this kind of discussion, check out our “Magic Relationship Words” video here…
2. It’s normal to go in and out of connection
No couple stays connected 100% of the time so don’t expect it. Know that it’s “normal” for connection to come and go. Relax in the knowing that connection can come back again if it seems to be missing right now.
3. Acknowledge it when you feel a connection
So often, when connection has been lacking or even missing, the focus is on what’s NOT there. In fact, it seems that our human default is to focus on what’s “wrong” vs. what’s “right”.
When this happens, you can let brief moments fly by undetected without even realizing it.
Jo and Pete realized that there were moments when they did feel connected with one another even though they were few and far between.
When they began to consciously focus on recognizing when they felt close to one another, they began to feel that more of the time.
When they stopped blaming one another, they could open their hearts to loving more.
Connection a funny thing.
You can feel it making eye contact with a stranger.
You can feel it when someone does something kind for you.
You can feel it when kind words of appreciation are spoken.
In this day of media overload, connection is so precious and often missing.
Our advice for you whether you’re currently in an intimate relationship or not…
Find ways to connect with those you care about and interact with.
If you do, our promise to you is that your life will be so much richer and happier.