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Loving Yourself When You Don’t Feel Like It

loving yourselfLoving yourself more of the time can seem “selfish” or even impossible at times.

One of the big questions we get from the people who read our blog articles, newsletters and interact with us on Facebook is how to love yourself more…

Loving yourself is one of the most normal and natural things you can ever do but so often you don’t feel like you are loving to yourself when you really want to be.

Here’s a quick example of how loving yourself played out in our lives recently…

Susie’s computer crashed about a week ago and when something like this used to happen, she’d get really upset and act in ways that weren’t very loving toward herself (and to others) —But, not this time.

This time, without a lot of thinking but accepting what is, she called a computer guy, he came right away and she calmly listened to his worst case scenario as well as the best that might happen as he tried to fix it. The next day he called with a positive report and the following day he brought it back with data saved and a new Windows 7 operating system.

Susie was calm throughout the whole time of loading software and reconstructing her laptop until in the evening, she couldn’t get her Zoom to work and she had a scheduled coaching session.

Then her thinking took her over about how she would appear undependable to her clients if she didn’t get Zoom to work—and she felt stressed, blaming herself for it not going perfectly.

Isn’t that how it works?

Sometimes we’re kind and loving to ourselves—and sometimes we’re not.

When we are loving to ourselves, life flows and we feel happier.

When we’re not, we’re overwhelmed, stressed and often not kind to the other people in our lives.

So how can we be loving ourselves more when we have a habit of criticizing ourselves and not recognizing our magnificence?

Here are 3 ways…

  1. Tune into that small, still voice within and allow yourself to get quiet

Tuning into that small still, voice within and allowing yourself to get quiet enough so you can hear your own inner wisdom is the best way to begin loving yourself.

That inner wisdom is always telling you the next right thing to say, do or be that is the right act of kindness toward yourself in every moment.

Susie didn’t have to allow herself to get quiet for her to know what the next step to fix her computer would be. She just knew.

But sometimes if you feel stressed, overwhelmed and hopeless, calm doesn’t seem possible.

In those times, if you know that “unplugging” will happen if you turn inward, not focusing on your rambling thoughts, you will get quiet.

  1. Your small, still voice might tell you something to do but it’s advice might be to just “be.”

During a coaching session when one woman got quiet, she realized that she wasn’t loving herself when she made sure she fixed her husband’s lunch before they both went out the door in the morning while neglecting to make her own.

When she got quiet, her small, still voice spoke to her about fixing her lunch first since she recognized her co-dependence problem was interfering with her relationship.

Another person realized that loving herself meant sitting quietly at her daughter’s swim practice without checking her cell phone every minute.

  1. Loving yourself may not look loving to other people or make sense to them.

Otto’s son was planning to drive from southern Ohio to Buffalo, New York to see his girlfriend last weekend and the only problem was that a snowstorm was blowing through and 18” of snow was predicted.

To Otto, this seemed pretty crazy but his son made the trip and got back safely.

To us, this wasn’t a very loving thing to do to yourself but to Otto’s son, it was.

That’s where differences come in and we can’t really know what someone else’s inner wisdom is telling them.

So what is it that your inner wisdom is saying to you today about loving yourself?

Listen carefully and allow yourself to feel the love that’s always flowing to you.

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