Maybe you’ve been trying all kinds of things to get more love and attention from your partner but are getting nothing but stonewalling, apathy and resistance…
Like so many other people, you may think that getting a partner to shift, change and give his or her heart, mind, body and soul to you is hard work (or even impossible) but what we’ve found is that it is not only possible–but doesn’t have to be “hard.”
In fact, inspiring love and devotion and creating a happy relationship can happen if you’re willing to make a few subtle shifts in how you relate to your partner by actually relaxing, opening your heart more and doing less–or even nothing.
Despite what popular magazines, movies, tv shows and many internet sites suggest—being an irresistible invitation to love doesn’t have to do with age, the shape or size of your body, the texture or length of your hair, the clothes you wear or any other physical characteristic.
Being an irresistible invitation to love is about your energy.
It’s your attitude, what you tell yourself, it’s the way you talk to your partner, and the way you treat him or her. It’s bringing back the “specialness” of your relationship–first in your thoughts.
It actually means doing “less”–less holding onto anger and resentment, as well as less proving you’re right and your partner is wrong.
You see, it takes a lot of energy to hold onto anger, blame and resentment and that energy always pushes your partner away. When you let that go, you relax and open your heart to more love.
And no, that doesn’t mean you’re a doormat.
The anger and resentment can actually keep you stuck even if it’s time to move on.
Here’s love advice and an example of how doing “less” actually can bring you more love…
Paula needed help. She came to us because in her boyfriend Jake’s words, her “controlling” actions and jealousy were ruining their relationship–and he’d had enough. He was about ready to call it quits with her and leave.
As we dived into specific instances over which they fought and wouldn’t talk for days at a time, it became clear what she was doing to push him away.
It wasn’t as if her boyfriend wasn’t contributing to their fights–he certainly was.
But she knew that she was going to have to find ways to relate differently to him if she wanted to keep this relationship and his love.
She was willing to look at her part in this conflict and to do some things differently to show him that she was willing to change.
Paula realized that at the crux of the problem, she thought that Jake’s parents took advantage of him and that she had to step in and tell him how he should handle them to stop it.
In fact, when he was frustrated with them, Paula often used the words–“You should…” as she was (in her viewpoint) “helping” him with this explosive situation.
Deep down, she didn’t believe that he could stand up to his parents and that she had to do it for him.
She came to realize that her belief was that she had to step in and tell him how to handle his parents because if she didn’t, they would walk all over him.
As we worked together, she realized that in “trying to help him” by telling him what to do, she was not trusting him to handle the situation and in a sense, was treating him in similar ways as his parents had treated him.
She also realized that he actually was taking steps to set some boundaries with his parents and that when she backed off telling him what to do, the two of them got along so much better.
In looking at how she could better handle situations where he was very upset with his parents, she learned ways to calm herself and then to ask him something like this…
“Would you like some suggestions?”
When she did this, his anger softened and he actually listened to her.
When she wasn’t trying to tell him what he “needed” to do, he began to step up more and be the man she knew he could be–and the best part is that he no longer called her “controlling” and “jealous.”
So how about you?
Can you see how you can get more love by doing “less” or nothing?
We invite you to try it and see for yourself.