Here’s a question from a reader who’s been coping with insecurity and jealous behavior…
“How do you get over being insecure? I’ve been told I’m a little insecure and jealous in our relationship but I have my reasons of feeling that way. How do you become easy going and carefree, not worrying about the future or next step in the relationship and stop jealous behavior? We’ve been together for almost 2 years now and have had a rough road but we’ve had some really good times as well. Is it worth staying in this relationship?”
We’re sure that this person has her reasons for feeling insecure and jealous in her relationship–most people do who battle the green-eyed monster.
Here are a few ways to stop jealous behavior and insecure thinking…
1. Know where your jealous behavior is coming from
All behavior comes from feelings that are generated by our thoughts, even though we aren’t aware of them.
When you’ve been carrying around the belief that you’re not enough for a long time…
You may not be aware where the tension and anxiety comes from when something triggers you.
You may not be aware that you’re thinking that you’re not worthy of love or that somehow you’re less than other people.
When you recognize that the anxiety you feel and your angry reactions or whatever reaction you have come from these thoughts you believe…
You have a choice in that moment.
You have the choice to see that the anxiety is coming from the limiting thought you’re believing to be true…
And choose to do something different from what you normally do, even if it seems crazy.
When you do, you’ll see the anger or whatever you’re feeling gradually dissolve–if you let it.
2. Look at your “reasons” for holding on to being insecure and jealous.
Did your partner (or someone important to you) in the past leave you for someone else?
Is your current partner doing things to make you mistrust him or her?
What thoughts are keeping you stuck?
Decide if you’re consciously going to keep holding onto to being insecure and what you don’t really want.
3. Take one step toward empowering yourself.
If what you are holding onto happened in your past and is not happening in your present…
You can make the choice to bring yourself into this present moment and focus on what you want.
You can tell yourself that that was in the past and this is now.
You can change your habit of thinking and focus that you will be dumped or whatever it is you fear will happen again to enjoying your present moment.
The truth is that no amount of “preparation” keeps you from pain if your worst fears do happen.
When you focus on enjoying your present moment instead of fearing the future…
Your life becomes happier and your relationships more loving.
If your current partner is doing things to fan the flames of jealousy and insecurity, then you have to decide if you can come to any agreement about how you want to be together.
You may have a different idea of how you want to be in a relationship than your partner.
If this is the case, find out what he or she wants in your relationship and find out if the two of you can come together–on the same page–more of the time.
4. Focus on what you want rather than what you don’t want.
So often, when someone is insecure and jealous, there’s the tendency to focus on what’s lacking and not what you want.
If you are carrying memories from past relationships into your current relationship, stop focusing on those memories and what happened in the past and look to a different future.
If you are unhappy with your partner’s conduct, take steps to decide what kind of relationship you want and find out if your partner is interested in the same kind of relationship.
You don’t have to be held hostage by your jealous behavior.
Make the choice to be proactive in creating a healthy relationship with yourself and with others in your life.
What might be one small step you could take toward what you want?