If you’re one of those people who thinks relationships are HARD WORK….
And creating the love you want is REALLY HARD WORK…
My answer is…
Compared to what?
A few weeks ago I had a coaching client tell me that (for her) it was really hard to open her heart to her partner when he wasn’t opening his heart to her at that moment.
I suggested that sometimes what we think is “hard” or “difficult” may not be as hard as we think when there’s a deeper examination of the truth.
A question I’ll often ask myself or my coaching clients when it seems that I (or they) may not be seeing something deeply enough is this…
“Compared to what?”
In this situation, I posed this question to my coaching client…
Is opening your heart, being willing to be vulnerable, listening and being willing to stay in a conversation longer than you are comfortable with or being open to something new…
Harder than staying disconnected with that person, feeling the disconnect, feeling alone or even the possibility of losing that relationship?
Her answer was this…
“This is really hard.”
Of course we think it’s hard not to fall into the usual patterns that keeps us separate because that’s what we’ve always done.
We think it’s hard not to react in the same way when we’re trying to defend ourselves.
We think it’s hard to open to listening to another person who seems closed to listening to us.
But I say–Compared to what?
–Compared to repeating the same reactions over and over and getting the same results
–Compared to feeling hopeless and hurt as you stay stuck and unable to see a way out
–Compared to missing out on love and connection that’s there
But how does this comparison lead you to happier, more loving relationships–and life?
When you take a step back and see that you don’t have to keep doing what you’ve been doing…
That you don’t have to keep going in that direction because you don’t like the possible results…
You’ll be able to see something new.
Years ago, I saw some new possibilities when it came to connecting with my young son after I left his mother.
I had been thinking that constantly negotiating visitation was extremely difficult…
But when I saw that compared to not being in his life, it was just part of life that I accepted…
Sometimes kicking and screaming but always with the end goal of connecting with my son in mind.
The truth of that kept me sustained throughout his school years.
So how about you?
Where in your relationships and life could you be thinking “things are hard” and that thinking is keeping you from what you really want that’s on the other side of your seeing a new possibility?
Have you been staying stuck in a story about how difficult you think some person or situation is and allowing openings for truth and understanding to pass you by?
What would be possible for you in love and life if you didn’t see situations as “hard” and instead, be in the process of shifting, changing or evolving?