One of the most upsetting feelings you could ever experience when you’re in a relationship or marriage (especially when you’ve been together a long time) is…
When you feel like you can’t say what you think or how you feel and be understood.
You can feel unbearably empty and…
It just sucks the life out of you and your relationship.
There are plenty of reasons when you may not feel like you can open up and be honest with your partner or summon the courage to ask for what you want.
If you can’t talk to your partner in this way, you not only feel disconnected from them but we’re guessing that you are also angry and upset (even if you don’t want to admit it–even you yourself.)
So, what’s the solution?
How can you say what’s on your mind and in your heart without fear of what your partner might say, do or how they might react–and hope to be understood?
How can you really talk to your spouse or partner without either of you getting angry, hurt or defensive?
Difficult Conversations for Couples Can Be Easier
In a nutshell, it’s 3 things that can make the difference when you’re communicating with someone important to you.
It’s your mindset, your strategy and the words you use.
Here’s an example of these 3 communication tips in action…
Pretend that you’re fed up with your partner’s lack of attention but you know that if you say anything, you’ll start a fight and make it worse.
What do you do?
- Before you say a word, look at your mindset that says he or she will never change and it will always be this way–or whatever your mind chatter says.
You have to open to the possibility that things could get better between the two of you.
And it starts with you softening your approach toward him or her and seeing even small results.
You also need to get clear within yourself what it is that you want and that comes from a “knowing” inside you.
When you’re calm, clear and not coming from anger, you’ll not be triggered so easily to fall into old destructive patterns.
2. If you’re not getting what you want, you’ll also want to change your approach.
Whatever you’ve been doing that hasn’t worked (like withdrawing, complaining, arguing or manipulating, asking rhetorical questions that you know the answers to)…
Be open to a different approach.
What do you REALLY want?
If you want more attention from your partner, what might be something tangible you can ask him or her instead of veiled complaints about what you’re NOT getting?
This is an approach that can really make a difference to your and your partner’s connection in the relationship.
3. Explore changing the words you use.
So often the words you use and the way you say them are just habits from the past.
We all learn ways of communicating from our parents and other influencers and we may not be aware of how those words are understood by someone else.
Compare this sentence (and the way it’s said)…
“You’re never romantic! How about dinner out and a bouquet of roses every once in awhile!”
“I’d love to have some time alone with you this weekend. Would you be willing to set aside some time for a special date night together?”
As you read both of these, we’re sure you can feel the difference and if you can feel it, your partner will also!
If you’re afraid to say what you think or what you feel, don’t stay frustrated and don’t say or do something you’ll come to regret later.
Use our 3 communication tips for having difficult conversations for couples and create the relationship you’ve always wanted.