While back, I wrote something that caused a firestorm about craving your touch in the relationship of one of my readers.
Here’s what I said…
“Your woman is craving your touch. She wants to feel your caress, a touch on the back, a touch of the hand as you’re putting the dishes away and any other time you can “accidentally” or on purpose touch her. You can have so much more than you do right now in your relationship or marriage if you will only tune into your woman and give her more of what she wants and this includes touching.”
I said a whole lot more about this but you get the idea.
Then I get an email from this guy who said THIS about touching his woman and treating her nicely. He said, “This does not work. Treating her well and especially touching her just makes her more angry.”
Here’s my response to him…
Let me see if I’ve got this right–you’re saying that it “doesn’t work” to touch your woman. You say that treating her well and especially touching her just makes her more angry. If this is happening, this isn’t good.
I’ve been in relationships (and a marriage) where I felt like nothing I did was right so I can definitely feel your pain. I know that if this is happening, it can feel like you’re getting some kind of shock treatment therapy every time you try something to make things better.
If this is the case, you’ve got challenges in your relationship that “touching” alone won’t solve. If you’re suggesting that your woman is upset and angry because you’re treating her well then there’s a whole lot more going on here than you know (or realize).
First of all, go talk to 500 women and take a quick poll and ask them…
“Do you like to be treated nicely by your man?” and “If you’re in a committed relationship or married to a guy, do you like to be touched by him?”
If you were to take this poll, what percentage of women would say that they “like to be treated nicely” and like to be “touched” by their man? The answer…ALL of them.
How do I know this?
Because, I’ve taken this poll and I’m compiling the results of this survey right now and you’ll be able to read the results soon. So if ALL women like to be treated nicely and ALL women like to be “touched” by their partners, then what is going on here?
Why did this woman react with anger instead of joy that her man was treating her nicely and that he was touching her?
While I don’t know all the details about this particular situation and I can’t possibly know what’s going on behind closed doors here, what I can tell you that may bring some understanding about this situation is THIS about women, men and relationships…
As a generalization, one of the reasons that the passion, love, intimacy and spark dies in our relationships and marriages is because we stop doing the very things that worked in the early days of the relationship.
Think back to the beginning of your relationship with your woman–if you’re currently not in a committed relationship, think back to when you were. In the beginning of that relationship or marriage, did you treat her nicely? Did you touch her? How did she respond? Did she want more or less of you being nice to her or touching her?
If your woman is anything like mine, she wants more “nice” and more touching and NOT less and if she doesn’t, something’s happened along the way to close her down and make her withdraw from you.
But here’s the thing–We men sometimes act like we either have some sort of amnesia or we put blinders on that makes us do really stupid things with our women (sometimes we keep doing these really stupid things for a very long time) and then we’re left wondering just what in the world happened.
You can’t ignore your woman twenty-three and a half hours a day and hope to have her respond to your touch when YOU want to touch her or when you want something from her (like sex). You can’t hope to have your “touch” wipe out all the times you’ve withdrawn and withheld your love from her because you didn’t know how to deal with her moods or emotions– or your own.
You also certainly can’t expect her to think that a miracle has happened and you’ve somehow “changed,” even though you really may have. From her point of view… she may have seen this act before and “It didn’t last.”
Right now, your woman has a certain belief about you and that belief may not change overnight. My advice remains–ALL women want to be treated with kindness, respect and with honesty. They also want to be touched.
Make sure this is how you treat them ALL the time–not just when you want something. Don’t “try” something new like being nice or touching your woman to see if it works. It works, but only if your intentions are to connect with her. No game-playing. No short-term changing. No “I’ll do this and see what happens…”
If she rejects your touch, she may have stored up a lot of grievances against you that you may not know anything about. Researchers say that biologically women remember emotional details about a situation much more than men. So she’s going to remember when you’ve slighted her or made her feel bad– even if it was years ago.
If she rejects your touch, she may have to learn to trust you again so back up and start “being nice” in other ways like listening to her, voluntarily helping around the house and with the kids or just sitting with her on the couch.
In other words, if she’s important to you, don’t collapse. Don’t think if you try something once and it doesn’t work, that it’s not going to work.
Stand in your center AND feel into her. Be a man. Step Up. Be honest and live from integrity.
Then treat her like the goddess that you totally adore while staying true to your purpose and what’s important to you and I think you’ll be amazed at how good love and life with your woman can be.
I have been.