Are you blind to the barriers to love that you put up?
Most of us are at various times in our lives and here’s what’s interesting about this…
Sometimes it’s easy to see the barriers and sometimes not so much.
Take for instance the times you’re in a bad mood and are grumpy when your partner asks how your day was.
You KNOW you’re putting up a barrier because–well–you feel like it and after the day you had, you deserve to be grumpy.
(We’re not saying this is ok but just that you know you’re doing it!)
But what about the times you don’t turn around and greet your partner when you both see each other after a busy day because you’re too busy with what you’re doing?
You might even keep checking your Facebook feed to see who’s posting instead of being present with your partner at a meal.
These are simple ways we all fall into which do erect barriers to love and these aren’t even some of the BIG ones like…
- Getting involved emotionally with someone else who isn’t your partner
- Allowing jealousy to push your partner away
- Not being truthful to your partner
- Holding back “you” because you are fearful that the past will repeat itself
And the list goes on…
Here’s how to dissolve barriers to love…
- Start noticing when you put up barriers and how.
One of the things we suggest is to start to notice both the big and small ways where you’re putting them up in your life.
Asking yourself questions like the ones below could give you some insights into when you’re putting up barriers to love that you’re not realizing.
One of our early teachers referred to this as asking “wonder” questions where you’re wondering about something with genuine curiosity that could make a big difference in your life.
Here are a few of these “wonder” questions that can help you uncover barriers to love…
- Are you holding back in ways you can’t see?
- Are you playing the gotcha game without realizing it?
- Are you holding your spouse or partner to a different standard than you would somebody who you just casually met or a co-worker or other family member?
- Are you kinder to strangers than you are to your partner?
- How much of the time are you focused on truly connecting with your spouse or partner compared to wanting to be right and wanting to prove them wrong?
Could it be possible that when you’re trying to be cute, smart or funny that it doesn’t come off in the ways that you think it does and instead of connecting you and your beloved, it actually creates a barrier?
2. Understand where the barrier comes from.
It always comes from your thinking that you believe and make real and important in the moment.
That thinking that you’re believing in the moment is something that you’re attaching to and making so real that (in many cases) you would stake your entire relationship on.
In order to dissolve these barriers to love, you have to be willing to see something new and that starts with making the choice to love instead of create a barrier.