Have you ever been in a relationship or marriage where things started off great and then one day you wake up and realize that things aren’t going so well…
You realize that the love is gone (or faded away), the passion is non-existent and you’re living more like roommates than lovers and you want more…
The big question in moments like these is…
What happened to your love and how can you create something special again?
This question of “What happened?” and “Can we create something special again?” are a couple of the biggest questions people are living with when they are going through our “Should You Stay or Should You Go?” program.
We’ve seen it time and time again over the years as we have conversations and work with people to bring back the passion, love, intimacy and desire for each other that has faded.
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It’s sort of like a car Otto had a few years back.
The car still looked good on the outside but one day he realized that it just wasn’t running right so he took it to our mechanic.
The mechanic said it was a problem with the blah, blah, blah (aka the part of the engine we have no clue about) and to make the car run right again, it would cost the equivalent of a year’s salary of Otto’s first job after high school.
We paid to have the car fixed and then traded it in on a new one not long after that but it got us thinking about how similar this situation is to most love relationships.
Most people wake up one day and realize their relationship isn’t what they want and it isn’t what it used to be…
And they have what we call an “Oh %&#@” moment.
But if you really go to the source of the problem, the challenges in your relationship didn’t just start happening today.
They started the day you stopped doing the things that made both of you feel special, important, alive and totally in love with each other.
A woman we’ll call Joan (to protect her privacy and not embarrass her) said to us once…
“If you’re in love, you don’t have to pay attention to the relationship. Love should take care of itself.”
And this was one of many beliefs she held that resulted in a divorce, being alone and heartbroken.
In saying this, we’re not placing blame or the entire responsibility on her because her husband was an equal partner in creating the conditions that led to the divorce.
What we are saying is that when you see something different…
When you see a faulty belief for what it is and see something new…
Even if you’re doing this by yourself, the trajectory of your relationship can change.
You see—the truth is…
Love doesn’t stay alive and grow by itself.
It’s just like a beautiful flower garden…
The flower garden doesn’t get to be a beautiful oasis by itself.
It requires some serious TLC.
You have to care for the garden by watering, pruning and paying attention to the flowers you want to grow if you want your it to become more beautiful.
And that’s how you grow your love.
You water it, cultivate it and pay attention to it and treat it with the care that you’d have to give to anything else that you want to be beautiful, vibrant and alive.
Here are the 4 ways we recapture love every day and invite you to do the same…
–You want to choose words that are loving even when you’re speaking your truth.
–You want to choose actions that bring you closer together instead of pushing you further apart.
–You want to choose beliefs that make you more open to love instead of ones that shut your heart to each other and to love.
–You want to show your partner how important he or she is to you–every single day and in every moment.