Frankly, I’m just embarrassed when I look back on all those times when I used to get so angry…
I’m not so angry anymore.
In fact, you could say I’m a changed man but there have been times in my life where my outbursts of anger would leave me and the people around me I love shocked, surprised and dumbfounded.
It happened way too many times to recall and I’m sure that in those not-so-pleasant moments, the people I loved and cared about couldn’t help but wonder something like this…
“How can this guy (me) who is so kind and loving one minute just explode in anger without a moment’s notice?”
-Sometimes it was subtle and sometimes my anger was explosive.
-Sometimes it was under control and sometimes I literally thought my was head was going to explode with the rage I felt.
-Sometimes there was an explanation for the anger…
-And sometimes the smallest thing that wouldn’t have upset any normal person would somehow set me off seemingly without warning.
There are as many ways that anger manifests (and keeps love away) as there are people in the world.
If you don’t know the true source of anger and why it happens…
It can destroy your love, your relationships, your career and everything else that matters.
(Even it it isn’t the explosive kind of anger).
I didn’t understand it.
I didn’t know when another anger outburst was going to happen.
I didn’t know if I was going to do some kind of permanent damage to my relationships…(especially in the early days with my beloved Susie.)
Basically…
There came a time when I just had to ask myself…
“Why The #*&@ Do I Get So Angry?”
The answer didn’t come all at once but there were some insights I had that literally changed EVERYTHING for me around anger.
At first it wasn’t something I even noticed.
A few years ago, I just started to notice that I was in a space of calm more and more of the time and I wasn’t having these angry blowouts or eruptions any more.
Amazing.
What a relief!!!
But why not?
What changed?
What shifted?
What did I now see that I didn’t used to see that turned me into this calm guy who didn’t explode in anger any more?
Here it is…
And it’s so simple that it’s crazy and yet this changed everything for me.
Anger is nothing more or less than your chosen response to a thought you’re having or had (that becomes a feeling).
Just because you have a thought, that doesn’t make it real or mean you have to act on it.
Just because you have a thought, this doesn’t mean that your worst fears are going to become reality.
And finally…
Anger (even intense anger) is just a flinch reaction to a thought that if something doesn’t happen or turn out the way you think, you won’t be ok.
And expressing anger is the only path to getting it to happen.
*Once I learned that I was STILL going to be fine…I was STILL going to be OK even if life didn’t go my way and I didn’t get what I wanted everything changed.
*Once I learned I could ask for what I wanted (and maybe even get it) when I wanted something, everything changed.
*Once I learned that I could talk with the people in my life about their intentions or how they saw things instead of making instantaneous assumptions that they were going to try to dictate how situations were going to go, everything changed.
Not all at once.
But it did change.
-I learned that I used to see anger as a normal reaction to express my upset when things didn’t go my way (even before they happened).
-I learned that I was unaware how I was showing up in the world to the people I came in contact with and especially the people I loved and who loved me.
-I learned my anger was a way of coping with my perceived “unmet needs” to being OK in the world.
-I learned it was a way of coping with my feelings of powerlessness (that weren’t really real.)
-I learned that intense anger comes from intense feelings of desire for something you think is important that you’re fearful of not getting.
Once I learned the root cause of anger was that feelings come from thoughts we believe and make real and that our feelings aren’t created by anything happening in the outside world that was all it took.
Everything started to shift after that and the funny part of this is, I never consciously tried to shift or change my anger.
It changed on its own when I saw life with new eyes.
Today, I completely see that I don’t have to puff myself up and get all angry to get what I want in life.
I totally see that I’m always all good no matter what and this, my friend, changes everything.
The side benefit to this new way of seeing the truth about life is I no longer think I have to get angry to be happy.
Things come to me much more naturally and organically.
I find that when I show up as love more and more of the time…
And I open my heart, mind and soul to seeing something new instead of seeing things the same ole way, things open up and magic seems to happen in my life.
No, I don’t always get what I want.
No, life isn’t always perfect.
But it’s really, really good.
One of the reasons life is so good these days is…
I see the truth about anger and because of this my life, my relationships, my finances, are better.
In fact, everything is better because of this insight about the true nature of anger and what it really is and where it comes from.
I’m no longer bound by misplaced or misdirected anger.
My beloved and the other people in my life no longer wonder when my next explosion of anger is going to occur.
Because of my insights about anger, where it comes from and how it isn’t anything to fear, I’m more open, more kind and more loving with everyone who crosses my path in life.
With this new truth in my back pocket to carry with me always, there’s so much freedom–the freedom to live, to love and to enjoy life more fully.
And what could be better than that?