Whether you consider yourself to be a “rule breaker” or not, sometimes you’ve just got to break relationship rules.
The fact is that we all live by a set of rules. We may not call them that or even be aware of what these rules are most of the time. In fact, we live by most of our rules completely unconscious of them.
So what rules are we talking about and why “Should” we break them?
We’re talking about the “rules” that you, us and everyone else lives make up in every moment of our lives.
These rules that we’re talking about could include ideas and beliefs that your parents either preached about or showed you by example and you adopted even though you may not have realized it.
Also, these rules are the beliefs that society subtly (and sometimes not so subtly) says you should or shouldn’t do.
These rules that you live by (often unconsciously) act as the rudder or guide for what you will or won’t do in your life.
In fact, most of the rules we live by in our relationships and marriages actually keep us from having all the love and passion that is possible for us instead of giving us more.
You know the ones we’re talking about…
You have them in your own life if you think about them.
“Marriage is hard so just make the best of it”
“It’s your duty as a woman so lie down and get through it the best way you can”
Or our favorite “Passion dies after a few years of being together so don’t expect it to last very long.”
Wow–even though you may not have those specific beliefs, we’re guessing that you have some beliefs and rules that hold you back from experiencing your best life and relationships possible.
Here are 4 relationship rules we love to break so we can keep passion alive in our relationship (and we urge you to break them often too!)….
#1 Rule to Break: Not allowing yourself to be vulnerable and totally honest about who you are
This is one of the biggest unspoken relationship rules we’ve seen demonstrated and passed down generation to generation.
It’s the one that says, “If you’ve been hurt before, don’t open yourself to anyone else. Keep a part of yourself private and don’t allow yourself to ever be vulnerable like that again.”
While we know that it’s not easy to open to another after you’ve been in pain, if you’re holding back a part of yourself, you’re also holding back love.
And that withholding of love can only increase the feeling of distance and separation between the two of you.
This withholding shows up in our communication with one another. If you want some really practical ideas on how to start being honest about who you are and opening your heart to more love, check out our “Stop Talking on Eggshells” program.
#2 Rule to Break: Romance, passion and intimacy should happen spontaneously.
The fear behind this rule is that planning for passion leads to boredom in a relationship.
There’s the belief that for passion to be exciting, you have to always be spontaneous–that if you take out the mystery and surprise, you’ll both get bored.
While this may be true for some people, we’ve found that the opposite is true for most of us.
The truth is that when you make passion a regular part of your life, the juice between the two of you just increases.
The author Malcolm Gladwell said that you can become an expert on anything by doing it for 10,000 hours.
Now we’re not saying that you have to spend 10,000 hours in the throes of passion to get good at it but we are saying that it can increase instead of decrease if you make passion more a part of your life.
And you do that by planning it–because if you don’t, you know as well as we do that life will get in the way and it won’t happen.
And you do it by having a passion mindset and looking for it in the most unlikely ways.
So break this rule and deepen your connection and passion with each other.
#3 Rule to Break: No touching or shows of intimacy in public
How many couples do you see holding hands when they walk or sitting in a restaurant?
Not many, right?
For some reason, it seems to go against the grain to show even innocent signs of affection in public–even though it’s one of the things that can help keep your passion and connection going.
Even though relationship advice articles encourage what we’ll call light-weight public displays of affection–(holding hands, sitting close, putting your arm around your partner)–for people in relationships of many years…
They just don’t do it.
Whether they don’t think they have to “try” that hard, they think “we’re not teenagers anymore” or there are too many old grievances between the two of them to allow themselves to show this kind of love and affection…
They don’t do it.
We suggest you take the plunge and go out on a limb. Break this rule and reach for your partner’s hand the next time you’re out. See what happens.
#4 Rule to Break: You don’t have to treat your partner with respect after being together for a few years
If there’s one thing we see as we observe other couples, it’s that as time goes on, there’s a tendency to forget about respecting each other and they take each other for granted.
This lack of respect can come in the form of not acknowledging one another when one person returns home after being away.
It can come in the form of allowing the interruption of a telephone call, email or Facebook to take precedence over listening to your partner when he or she talks to you.
Or it can come in the form of using unkind words to your partner when kind words would work just as well.
If you want passion to grow, you have to start respecting each other.
Take a moment now and look at your interactions with your partner to see where you might be more loving and respectful of him or her.
Being the rule breakers that we are, we urge you to join us in breaking these relationship rules.