Three months after my husband Otto and I were married in picturesque Hocking Hills in southern Ohio, we launched our business partnership, a corporation called Passion, Inc. Little did we know at that time what it would take to learn to work together successfully as business partners and also stay close and connected as a married couple.
When we began this adventure, our thinking was that we loved each other and we had learned how to have a great relationship so what could be so difficult about being business partners as well? As time went on, it became clear that we had a lot to learn!
As our differences clashed in our marriage, they also clashed in our business partnership. Otto, being the expansive thinker and night owl, began throwing business ideas at me right and left, especially at 10 or 11 pm when I was ready to go to bed. Not only was I not a night owl or at my best at that time of night but I’d made up the story that I had to follow through on all of his big ideas when he excitedly expressed them.
We’d already fallen into our roles in our business with Otto being the “idea” and content guy and me being the financial guru and implementer of those ideas, as well as co-creating content. But when the ideas flew at me as fast as popcorn in a hot pan filled with oil, I felt overwhelmed and my mind froze. Otto would be irritated because I couldn’t listen to him or give any kind of feedback that he wanted when he slung these ideas at me. He didn’t understand my overwhelm and I didn’t understand his vision.
If we wanted to be successful in our business and grow our marriage in a deeper way, it became very clear that we both needed to learn to communicate far better than we had with our previous married partners. I had to be honest in what I wanted and needed and actually express it. I wanted a specific time in the week to talk about these projects and prioritize them. Otto realized he had to use his voice to express what he wanted in a clear way with a clear plan instead of spewing out ideas in the air and then letting them go.
One of the strategies we adopted to stay in love while growing our business was to stop making assumptions about what we thought the other person wanted and actually make requests and listen to each other. That takes trusting in ourselves as well as trusting that the other person will show up with love and listen.
We agreed that Otto would write down his ideas and then we’d have a weekly formal business meeting to discuss and prioritize them.
As we matured in our marriage and in our business, a deeper issue emerged. Although the foundation of love and a desire to grow spiritually was and has always been the glue between us, it was obvious from the start that we were very different people in many ways and looked at life differently.
And those differences caused friction and misunderstandings.
At a deeper level, we understood that we needed to learn from each other’s strengths instead of arguing and needing to be right.
Instead of making Otto wrong for the ways that didn’t make sense to me, especially around finances, I began to ask myself, “What can I learn from you?” I realized that I could use a strong dose of expansive thinking that he possessed instead of narrowing opportunities.
Instead of making me wrong for being practical and careful, Otto asked himself the same question. He discovered that he could adopt a few of my financial habits that have served me well.
Because of this exploration, we each started listening more closely and appreciating each other, not only as we navigated our business but in our marriage as well.
Through the years, we’ve shared in our books, podcast, articles, and videos what we’ve learned about creating close, connected relationships of all kinds.
Here’s a very short list of Lessons Learned for any relationship and especially for marriage and business partners…
Lessons Learned—(Good for marriage and/or business partnerships)
- Clarify your vision and roles up front for the marriage and business. Don’t just fall into them without a discussion.
- Don’t make assumptions. Have discussions where you each listen to the other and especially to yourself.
- Make requests and create conscious agreements that both of you agree to.
- Formalize regular business meetings to create priorities and direction.
- Celebrate your differences and learn from each other.
- Be sure to build in time for just the two of you outside of the business to grow your love.
If you’re marriage and business partnerships, it can feel like you’re trudging through difficult minefields that lead to separation and distrust or they can be glorious adventures of deeper intimacy, trust and love. The good news is that it’s a choice that each one of us can make.