“I’m absolutely sick of it,” Jenny said.
“I give and I give and I give and I never get anything in return! Why do people always seem to take advantage of me just because I’m a nice person and I really care about other people?”
This isn’t the first time Jenny has felt this way.
Not only does she feel her boss at work takes advantage of her but she also feels her husband, her kids and even some of her family members do as well.
She’s not sure what she’s going to do but one thing she’s sure of…
She’s done with giving without getting anything in return.
Can you relate to this at any level?
Have you ever given more than you’ve gotten and been resentful about it later?
That’s what’s going on with Jenny and that’s also what’s going on for many other people as well.
They aren’t clear about their boundaries and they allow people to take advantage of them…
When all they’re really trying to do is to be a good person and show up as an example of love in the world.
In moments like these, if you’re like Jenny and you feel like you’re giving too much without getting much in return what should you do?
Here are a few questions to help you if you’re giving too much and want to stop…
1. Are you clear about what’s a “yes” and what’s a “no” for you?
Most of us go through life on autopilot and when it’s become a habit to say “yes” no matter what, it can become a problem.
You can change from autopilot to conscious presence and decision-making by learning to tune into your body for signals that tell you whether it’s a “yes” or a “no.”
When you give yourself space to do this instead of automatically saying “yes,” you can make a conscious choice.
2. What’s underneath your obvious reason for saying “yes” when you’d like to say “no” in certain situations? Could you be giving to get?
We all have hidden motivations for doing something in certain situations and with certain people.
Maybe we want their love and approval.
Maybe our self-worth is tied up with being helpful or essential to certain people or in certain situations.
While there’s absolutely nothing “wrong” with being of service and helpful…
What you don’t want is resentfulness that comes later after you don’t feel that you get what you deserve after giving.
When you examine your motivations, you can get clear if you unconsciously want something in return.
When your motivations are clear to you, the choice becomes obvious whether you want to continue with the habit or not.
3. What are you unwilling to ask for that you really want?
Often, when you feel like you give too much, you’re simply unwilling to ask for what you want in some areas of your life.
And this frustration can carry over into your relationships.
There can be all sorts of reasons why you don’t feel like you can ask for what you want and the bottom line is fear…
-Fear that you don’t deserve to have it
-Fear that the person will think less of you if you ask
-Fear that you won’t get it anyway so why ask
When you realize that making honest, heartfelt requests is a healthy way to go through life for you and for others…
You can begin making those requests and giving honest answers to other’s requests of you.
Giving too much is a habit that you can break.