As Vicki paced in her kitchen, her mind raced in a thousand directions, trying to come up with a way to get her marriage back on track with her husband Ron.
They hadn’t touched each other for the last few weeks and he always seemed so distracted when she tried to talk with him.
He had been acting like he didn’t care but when she asked him, he told her that he still loved her and didn’t know what was wrong.
She thought maybe it was a mid-life crisis but didn’t want to chalk it up to that because she didn’t know what to do if that was the case.
This is when she called us for coaching.
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She wanted to involve Ron but she first wanted to find out more about herself by working with us.
As we talked, she was surprised to realize that she had been falling out of love with him for the past few years.
She saw that they no longer did the little things for each other that they used to do.
She remembered both of them being so happy to see each other at the end of the day and that was no longer the case.
She saw that they used to eat dinner together and talk about their day but lately, they each retreated to separate areas of the house and either ate at the computer or in front of the tv.
She saw that it wasn’t just one thing that’s caused the distance between the two of them.
It was all the small things that added up over time.
That evening she invited Ron to talk about what the two of them wanted in their marriage and they both agreed that they wanted the spark back the way it used to be.
Here are 3 ways they found to fall in love again and revitalize their relationship…
1. Look with new eyes at your partner.
Looking with new eyes at each other means literally starting over with this person and looking with curiosity instead of relying on what has happened in the past.
When Vickie and Ron became curious about each other again, they discovered new things they didn’t know before.
Ron found out that Vickie had been researching her family tree and was fascinated by what she’d discovered.
Vickie found out that Ron had been streaming Manchester United soccer games and had become quite a fan. She had loved soccer in high school and found that that was something they could share.
When you look with new eyes at your partner, you can discover new ways to enjoy one another or at least find out something new and different you didn’t know before.
2. Spend more time together discovering each other again.
In many long-standing relationships, there’s the tendency to short-change time together as a couple. Life certainly “happens” and demands on your time change throughout the years. Kids have to raised, elderly parents have to be taken care of, careers have to be tended to.
But even in these situations, couples can rekindle their love by making a point to spend more quality time together.
Vickie and Ron decided to start eating their evening meal together at the kitchen table without the distractions of their phones or the evening news on TV and talk about their day.
They also chose to spend a few minutes before bed each night physically connecting. Vickie had forgotten that she used to love it when Ron came to bed when she did and he read to her as they cuddled together.
A few times a week, they did just that again and they both completely enjoyed it.
3. Don’t make up stories and make assumptions about the motivation of the other person.
Assumptions and stories that may or may not be true can certainly kill love.
Ron realized that he had been assuming that Vickie didn’t want to be close physically with him anymore.
Vickie realized that she had made up a story that Ron didn’t find her attractive any longer.
They both were wrong in their assumptions and untrue stories and when they stopped and simply told themselves something like this when those thoughts creep in…
“I don’t know”
They could come together in a whole new way than they had for several years.
If you had love and then it somehow seemed to have left, it is possible to fall in love again if that’s what you truly both want.
But you won’t know unless you’re open to it happening.